The 9 Most Annoying People on Facebook

The 9 Most Annoying People on Facebook

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In November, Lists That Actually Matter's very own DanTello was kind enough to post  Top 9 Annoying Things People do on Facebook.  Whereas DanTello hates the sins of Facebook, I hate the sinners.  Lemme at 'em.


1. Oversharers 

We all know a lot of Facebook over-sharers; they're the weeds in the garden of Facebook. Well, that and the zero-privacy and harvesting of personal data.

2. Complainers, AKA Those Who Chum the Waters of Lake Compliment 

It seems like people gripe on Facebook because they know they'll immediately get 3 or 4 compliments in return, which will ostensibly counteract their previously glum emotions.  It's like they were just chumming the waters of Lake Compliment to see what their compliment net would drag in.

Remember on Full House how much of a wussy we all thought Danny Tanner was when he'd come running after D.J. as she cried and ran off to her room like a 10 year old girl? Well,

Griping on Facebook : 3  instant compliments :: DJ Tanner Crying : Danny chasing her up the stairs saying, "Deej, wait...."


                                            Pictured: Four Squares

 3. Squares

If I cared about I would be on and not, and if I cared about where you were I would be there with you or I would've asked you where you were.  I'm glad we had this talk.


4. Those Who Assume Facebook is a Fixture of Human Life

Sure the new Facebook changes suck, so use facebook less.  Don't take to Facebook to gripe about the changes you have no choice but to helplessly bend over and take.

It makes you sound like a jilted lover- you're frustrated by your partner but vow to stick with them and take the bad with the good. The classic Prince song, "If I was Your Girlfriend", contains one of my favorite lines in all of popular music.  In that song Prince asks, "Would you run to me if somebody hurt you- even if that somebody was me?". That line  cuts to the  core of REAL love.  Love can make you HAVE to grovel a bit and lay yourself out emotionally, because well....  you just have to.  Same way a moth just has to fly towards a light in the night.

Awwww, they ran to Facebook when someobody hurt them, even when that somebody was Facebook.  They really love Facebook a they're drawn to it like a moth to a flame.

I invite the world to point and laugh at those people.

5. Facebook Gurus

Because no one ever said, "I want to be inspired, wowed and intellectually transformed. I know! I'll log onto Facebook!".


6. The Humble Braggarts

I didn't invent the concept of the Humblebrag, but it's omnipresent on Facebook with status updates like,  "So embarassed I almost spilled my '87 Veuve at this totally exclusive party! Such a klutz!!", or, "Definitely the palest person in Cozumel!".  Just outright brag and cut the B.S..


7. Practitioners of the Brag Check-in

Did you see your friend that lives in BallLick, Indiana and never goes out on weekends just "Checked in" to the The Wynn and is officially cooler than you? Total coincidence he never checks in to his apartment on the other 51 Saturdays a year.


8. Food Photographers

Not interested. If you want to make a memorable picture memory from that meal send me a picture after it comes out. At least I'd remember that picture a day later.

9. Interrupters of Real Life to Facebook

When you go somewhere cool, walk in  and say something like "This concert is/club/party/bar is AWESOME! Holy crap, dude!!!", then brandish your smartphone thereby pulling yourself away from what you just said was awesome, you probably do it, thinking all your friends will be excited that you're doing something so cool. But what really happens is your friends read it and say ,  "What an annoying practitioner of the Brag Check-in!".

Filed under: annoying, Facebook


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  • Thank you for successfully profiling 9 people that I know! I would also like to add another, the Jerry Springer Facebooker. The people who like to jump to the top of your "Top Stories" feed with thread after thread of arguments, drama, and "you talk tough cuz' you're on facebook, you wouldn't say that to my face" commenters. As if broadcasting their beef through facebook will aid the point. I hate you all!

  • Lol. If you got hate in your heart, let it out, brother! But seriously, never compliment my writing to my face. You are just acting nice because you are on ChicagoNow. *wiping hands* that ought to aid my point.

  • You forgot "Buff Guys who post topless gym pics", all of whom are single with no girlfriend. And on steroids.

  • In reply to Andy Frye:

    Oh that is a good call. I forgot about the Display Picture people. The one that gets me is when it's obvious the guy said, "Hey let's a take a picture!" to the hottest girl in his field of vision, then he posts it as a display pic like they're an item, even though she has no idea who he is.

  • How about the "Here's What Everybody Else Does That Sucks" People? I'll take that in list form only, thank you very much.

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