After the emotional rollercoaster of watching the amazing C.T. and his lap dog get eliminated last night, I barely was able to drag myself out of bed and get to work. You just don't bounce back from that. I haven't felt this down since the day I heard T.J. was in a coma. Anyway, here are the 5 takeaways from last night's amazing episode.
5. C.T. is the Greatest Reality Star Ever: He's better than every other dude at every competition, every girl at some point has wanted him (despite knowing full well of his past history of threatening and attempting to eat people), and at all moments he is considering punching someone in the face. This is not to mention his minimum of 10 great quotes per episode ("choo choo" - C.T. the half-man, half-train; "clowns in dog suits, dogs in clown suits!" - C.T. on what he believes he will see in Buenos Aires, Argentina). MTV, do yourself and society a favor, and invite this half-man, half-train back for every season of the Challenge. Oh, MTV, you may also want to sign C.T. to lucrative contract because I think every NFL team is going to try and sign him.
4. Is Tyler the Greatest Gay American Athlete Ever?: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I cannot think of a gay American athlete who has kicked as much ass as Tyler. Dude is a beast. Eat your heart out Greg Louganis!
While his former career as a world class swimmer and his previous Challenge victory are impressive, they are not nearly as impressive as his ability to bounce back from C.T.'s hit last night. I thought I had just witnessed my first reality TV murder. I thought the autopsy was going to read: "Death by C.T. They finally let him get his hands on somebody." After watching that hit, Roger Godell tried to fine and suspend C.T.
Somehow, Tyler not only gets up, but he finishes the race... and wins. Well, sorta wins. Technically he barely beat a dead body being carried up a dirt hill by C.T. Which leads me to my next point...
3. Can you hit somebody so hard they get food poisoning? Because I think that is what happened to Tyler on last night's episode.
2. The New Age Bully: C.T. is reinventing how bullies treat their victims. For those of you who have a life and are new to the Challenge, C.T. has been bullying Adam since their season of the Real World. However, this season, C.T. has been using his bullying tactics for a new mission: forcing Adam to admit they are friends. And, after weeks and weeks of New Age Bullying, Adam finally cried uncle, and said they were friends.
1. Reality Star Women age at the same rate as dogs: I don't get it? Is it part of selling your soul to the devil for fame? Why do they age so much faster than their male counterparts? It's confusing. I thought Robin from Real World: San Diego was 45, and it turns out she is only 30 or 31. And poor Paula Walnuts was accused of being a husband-less 39-year-old by Laurel, a fellow cast member, and she hasn't even hit the age of 30 in real life. But, in Laurel's defense, Paula has been aging at 7 times the rate of us non-reality TV humans for the past few years.