This list is comprised of the truly pathetic, degenerate bets that only the cream of the crop of addicts would ever touch. (Every single category listed below is real, and can be wagered on. I suggest you act like an adult, and bet on all of them).
5. Player to Score First Touchdown tied with Player to Score Last Touchdown: This one is exciting because it has you hooked at the coin flip: you really need the team with your chosen player to win the flip and get the ball first. This is shockingly hard to predict, and one that Vegas loves us degenerates to bet on. Nonetheless, I am taking Greg Jennings: it’s gonna be a long touchdown on a Troy Polamalu blitz immediately followed by a Troy Polamalu Head & Shoulders commercial. Last touchdown is fun because you never know when it is going to happen. And if the guy you chose scores a touchdown in the 2nd quarter, you start wishing for things like Rothlisburger to get re-arrested on the field, or Aaron Rodger’s to find out his GF slept with Cutler.
4. Which Super Bowl Commercial Will Have the Highest Rating?: This one allows the female gamblers to get in the game because, let’s be honest, we’ve all heard significantly more females utter the words “I only watch for the commercials” than males. I am not sure who the smart play is (besides not gambling on it at all), but don’t make the mistake the hicks all make and chose GoDaddy.com. Nine straight Super Bowl ads in a row of Danica in a bikini have to eventually stop selling.
3. How Long will it take Christina Aguilera to Sing the Star Spangled Banner? Over or Under 1 Minute and 54 Seconds: Hopefully under. I don’t know how long I can look at someone who makes Marilyn Manson look tan. Was Katie Perry already booked? I’m confused on this one. Didn’t her last relevant single, “Beautiful”, drop like a decade ago?
2. How Many Times will FOX Mention Brett Favre on TV during the Game? Over or Under 2 ½: I mean does Vegas not know that the Packers, Mr. Media Whore’s former team, are playing in the this game?!? If you don’t bet your mortgage on the over then you hate money. That is like Brian Austin Green being mentioned without a reference to Megan Fox.
1. Who the Super Bowl MVP Will Thank First: Have to choose “God,” and pray (pun completely intended) Rothlisburger doesn’t win it. I wonder if you can also bet on the phrase “first, and foremost” preceding “God”?