Top 5 Characteristics of a Chicago Snob

Mayor Daley will not take your Chicago badge away; it's okay to admit you like ketchup on your hot dog.

5.   Neighborhood Expert:  Do you ask people where they live just to correct them?  “Actually Wrigleyville is not a real place, it’s just what people from the suburbs call the area around Wrigley Field that’s actually within Lakeview.”  Thanks, bro.  I didn’t know that answering the question of “where I lived” was going to sign me up for a lesson on Chicago neighborhood boundaries.  This guy is always the first to break down what is officially in WickerPark and what is officially in Bucktown.  Nobody cares, bro.  Either way it is all skinny jeans and Fixies.

4.  Only eat deep dish:  Do you refuse to eat thin crust? And do you get mad when somebody refers to stuffed pizza as “deep dish”?  Believe it or not, you can still be from Chicago and not want to eat a ‘za that is 90% bread.  This same Chicago snob also refuses to admit that Gino’s East or Pizzeria Uno/Due is good.  They always say some snide comment like, “those places suck, and it’s just where the tourists go.”  No, cynics, you are wrong.  They are famous because they are good.  That is how fame generally works.

3.  No ketchup on my hotdog:  “Real Chicago Dogs don’t have ketchup,” or “ketchup is gross on hotdogs.”  Listen, nobody is going to take away your Chicago badge if you admit that you like ketchup on your hotdog.  It is the most used condiment in America.  We get it.  Weiner Circle doesn’t serve ketchup, so part of being all that is Chicago is fake hating this condiment.

2.  Suburb Police:  This usually occurs when the Chicago Snob starts up a conversation with a stranger.   A casual conversation starts up and the stranger is asked by the Chicago Snob where he is from.  The stranger tells the Chicago Snob that he is from “Chicago.”  At this point the Chicago Snob is just praying that the stranger is from a suburb, so he can correct him.  So, the Chicago Snob asks him which “part of Chicago he is from.”  The stranger informs the douche Chicago Snob that he is from “Hinsdale.”  The moment the Chicago Snob has been waiting for.  Before the stranger can even finish the word “Hinsdale,” the Snob interjects, “Oh.  So actually you are from the suburbs.  I thought you were actually from Chicago, like me.  I grew up in Beverly which is the Southside of Chicago.”   And the Chicago Snob finishes this sentence with that smug, elitist smirk like Bill Maher always has strapped across his face.

1. Summers are the Best in Chicago:  No sh*t, man.  The only 3 months of the year that being outside is even tolerable is the “best”?  I thought the middle of January was going to be the best time of the year to party in Chicago.  I wonder if Miami Snobs say the same thing about winters in Miami?

 

 

Advertisement:

Comments

Leave a comment
  • I've lived in Chicago for a number of years, but I never tell people I'm from Chicago.

    However, my favorite tourist moment was the time someone told me that he was from Chicago. I asked him which neighborhood and he tells me "Rockford." Since I grew up in north central IL, I found that quite amusing and busted him for it.

  • In reply to Beyle:

    Other "Chicago Snob" characteristics:

    The whole "dibs" issue.
    Cubs or White Sox: pick one.
    Weirdly proud of political corruption
    SEARS Tower, not Willis Tower.
    Marshall Field's, not Macy's
    "You never saw Garfield Goose/Ray Rayner/Bozo's Circus?"
    "The Blues Brothers is the greatest movie ever!"
    "We are the Bears/Shufflin' Crew/Shufflin' on down/Doin' it for you..."

  • In reply to skafiend:

    I AM weirdly proud of political corruption - and didn't even realize it until now...

  • In reply to FearlessKris:

    Yes, what is that about? Me too!

  • In reply to FearlessKris:

    Guy Smiley: In your latest comment. You say IN THE SAME SENTENCE and I am copying and pasting here- "(which I neither agree or disagree with), why they can't be a Cubs fan AND a Sox fan (pick a lane, Mr. Indecisive" The irony. You are named after a Sesame Street character and you can't make up your mind about whether decisiveness is good or bad, yet you comment multiple times on a blog. Please stop. Maybe you can stop boasting of your Chicago-ness for a while.

  • In reply to TRSlyder:

    Let's see, where to start... your inability to to read is a good place.

    The phrase "which I neither agree with or disagree with" obviously refers to the "dibs" issue. If one does not drive in this city, then the issue of dibs is irrelevant to them, understand? It's not an issue of indecisiveness, it's based on not being affected by the issue.

    However, being a baseball fan in Chicago involves a whole different set of dynamics, one that does not rely on a physical object but emotion.

    Sorry you can't see the difference...

  • In reply to TRSlyder:

    Chicago is losing its identity because of people like T.R.Jr. Real Chicagoans are proud of being from this city and even prouder to live in their neighborhoods. We will gladly put suburbanites in their place. It's not "summers are the best in Chicago", it's "there is no place like summer time in Chicago." As for the pizza restaurants, those are most definitely tourist spots, part of being from Chicago is eating pizza at local joints. Damenzo's BABY!!!!!

  • In reply to TRSlyder:

    Hey... Tello Real, Jr.! I'm a producer for WCIU's morning talk show. I couldn't find another way to contact you so I'm reaching out this way. I wanted to talk with you a little more about this blog. I think it's a riot! Would you mind giving me a call?? (312) 660-8390. You can also e-mail me at jfletcher@wciu.com Thanks!!

  • In reply to FearlessKris:

    My mom was born and raised in Chicago, and, indeed, refers to the area around Wrigley as "Wrigleyville." So does the Trib.

  • In reply to misterE:

    Yeah that was a bad example, because Wrigleyville is legit. Chicagoans know the difference between neighborhoods (Wrigleyville, Boystown, Roscoe Village) and community areas (Lakeview). A better example would be how suburbanites refer to everything on the mid-north side as "Lincoln Park," or huge swaths of the central city as "Downtown."

  • In reply to tombellino:

    Lake View. Just sayin'.

  • In reply to tombellino:

    This reminds me of so many different conversations over the years that it is ridiculous. Yes, I am a chicagoan who eats thin crust as well as deep dish pizza, ketchup on my hot dog, have no clue where the boundaries are for 90% of the chicago neighborhoods, and grew up in Morton Grove and Arlington Heights.

    Instead, I am a third generation Chicagoan, who was born in a Chicago hospital. Anything else! ")

  • In reply to tombellino:

    "Downtown" is what real suburbanites call Chicago.

  • In reply to NeilRest:

    Its helpful when they do that, it immediately brands them a moron.

  • In reply to tombellino:

    Yeah, if you can't see any difference between Hinsdale and Chicago, you are dorky enough for this.

  • In reply to tombellino:

    Whaaaaaaat? We LOVE thin crust!!! And Uno's is for tourists. We like Pequods or Art of Pizza. But we sure as hell like thin crust, too. Super thin, like a goddamn cracker.

    I love this list, it's hilarious, but it's not the Chicago snob that is the jerk. If you are from Hinsdale, don't say you're from Chicago or YOU are the douche.

    My biggest pet peeve with suburbanites and/or idiots, is calling the entire city "downtown". They are going to Lakeview and they say "I'm going downtown," WTF?

  • Somebody call our blogger the wambulance. Oh well, I am a complete Chicago snob, and that's fine with me.

  • Ha ha ha ha, love this list although I'm not quite sure that ordering deep dish and shunning thin crust means you are a Chicago snob.

    And trust me, I know about the line between the city and the suburbs. I called people out on it when I lived in the city. And now that I'm in the suburbs, I don't say "Chicago" unless I'm at least 2 states away.

  • Snobbery? Actually I'd say it's local culture, something transplants seem bent on eradicating from Chicago. We are a great city BECAUSE we have local customs, traditions, etc, that make us unique. Would you go to New York and tell them to make their pizza thicker? Would you go to San Francisco and tell them they're basically the same as San Jose because they're geographically close? Doubtful, because you'd get punched in the face. Please let us lifelong Chicagoans have our eccentricities, even if you don't understand them. And if one day you see the light, then please feel welcome to become one of us.

  • In reply to tombellino:

    Bingo. No one dares go to NYC and complains about their pizza or tell them they're rude for telling tourists to get out of the effin way instead of standing in the middle of the sidewalk or that they should call it Manhattan instead of "The City", or travel to the South and tell them their barbecue is overrated. Those places are not only allowed to keep their personality but thrive BECAUSE of it.

    But Chicago? Every 15 minutes I have to hear or read some person complaining that just about everything we do is wrong.

    To them I say...kiss my lower Wacker Drive.

  • In reply to tombellino:

    You know, if you guys need help finding Neon Green Relish, I can help, but I have to laugh at your Vlasic relish with a red arrow pointing at it claiming it to be "neon". That's the antithesis of neon. I mean, you may as well put ketchup and cheese on your dog if you're going to be that lazy

  • Speaking of snobbishness -- is it "Weiner Circle" like in the caption you wrote, or "Wieners Circle" like on their sign? I'm guessing the latter.

  • The best part about this "list" is that it is written by some loser from River Forest. I would suggest that from now on you stick with writing things about what you know. Perhaps a list about "The Top 5 Characteristics of an River Forest Snob".

    You are the exact thing we true Chicagoans are annoyed by the most, the suburb guy who think he knows about Chicagoans because he works there now...

    Piss off, and enjoy your Gino's East and your Navy Pier Ferris Wheel rides

  • In reply to Illini005:

    hahahaha

    fulfilling the stereotype much?

  • In reply to Illini005:

    There's a new type of "Chicago snob": someone who now resides in the city (after growing up in the suburbs or even another entire state) and takes pride in complaining about every Chicago "tradition". They complain about "dibs" (which I neither agree or disagree with), why they can't be a Cubs fan AND a Sox fan (pick a lane, Mr. Indecisive), complain about their bar becoming too "hip" (even though they themselves ruined it for the old guys before them), they complain about suburbanites during Taste of Chicago (ignoring the complaints of the folks who lived in Wicker Park, etc., long before them but since had to move thanks to skyrocketing rents) and sometimes get some secret glee at telling their small-town friends and relatives about the shooting down the street (because they believe it gives them some sort of "street cred" to be so close to real urban violence). This despite the fact that many of them have never been south of 22nd Street. Yeah, there are two types of Chicago snobs at work in this town.

  • In reply to Illini005:

    One other thing...
    Why is it that when a longtime Chicagoan laments changes to the very things that, for better or worse, gave his city it's character they're labelled a "snob"? Why is it that, say, New York City or Boston is allowed to keep their character but Chicago is supposed to bend over and change? Try telling a native New Yorker or Bostonite that their "traditions" makes them snobs. You think a guy is NYC is going to care that you think his pizza is weak, wimpy and tasteless? After he tells you to go to hell, he'll tell you it again.

  • In reply to Illini005:

    What the heck is River Forest? River Forest snob, LMAO!!!

  • In reply to NoMorePuppyStores:

    I love how all suburbs have generic names I can't tell apart--- Park Forest, Forest Park, Glen something, River something, View Park, Villa Park, Oak Park Brook View.

    I think they should all combine together more to eliminate some of the redundant names.

  • While I appreciate the word snob, I would like to point out the definiton - a person who imitates, cultivates, or slavishly admires social superiors and is condescending or overbearing to others. Or a person who believes himself or herself an expert or connoisseur in a given field and is condescending toward or disdainful of those who hold other opinions or have different tastes regarding this field: a musical snob.

    Let us also note that you aren't even from Chicago and the Snob title was taken well before you began writing your blog by me. I guess I should be the one who is flattered.

  • In reply to chicagojoe99:

    SNOB FIGHT!!!

  • In reply to chicagojoe99:

    Why's the jerk in #2 gotta be from Beverly?? What are you trying to say about people from Beverly?...

  • Suburbanites aren't saying they are from Chicago as if it's a special badge, quite contrary, but rather because they don't think it's your GDB exactly where they're from, or they don't want to explain away for ten minutes just where their suburb is. Trust me, suburnanites are happy they're not from Chicago.

  • In reply to crr1950:

    HaHaHa Then why don't you suburbanite cake-eaters stay there...

Leave a comment