I used to roll my eyes at the notion of "expert" parents. Every parent and child are different, right? I felt desperate for fresh perspective for our toddler who asked for a "time-out" as opposed to agreeing not to be rough anymore.
I registered for a Neighborhood Parents Network (NPN) webinar with parenting expert and author Amy McCready. She creates and delivers parenting toolkit training programs with 20+ years of training experience in Fortune 500 companies and local groups. She is a certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator who contributes to leading networks.
Other "experts" with therapist backgrounds share similar positive parenting advise. My favorite types of "experts" are grandmas who've raised their kids right such as High Gloss and Sauce's mother-in-law. She stands behind, "Don't tell your boys to 'man up!'" We got that one - nothing wrong with dress up or even hot pink nails with the cousins.
McCready suggests consequences should be related to the child's "crime". They should be revealed in advance. For example, kids may only wear underwear if they go to the potty. It all makes sense and doesn't make me feel guilty for raising my voice, which doesn't work.
My husband intuitively knows this. He calmly told our toddler over the weekend markers would get thrown out without caps. That's a clear consequence.
Positive parenting is a no shame or blame game. Kids want to save face just as much as parents do. They want to please their parents despite temporary meltdowns. Experts urge parents not to engage in manipulation or power struggles.
Kids may be calmly reminded when they do not behave well with an emphasis on doing better next time. They can practice do-overs. There's no need to nag kids or repeat the same thing over-and-over in quick successful although repetition of action over time helps.
Meanwhile, I won't push my luck with my now picky eater who wreaks havoc on our bathroom on the potty or in the tub. I avoid the grocery store with my toddler at all cost. When all else fails, I carry him kicking and screaming.
The meltdown eventually subsides when the park is no longer in sight even if neighbors must jump in to help with my one-year-old. This too shall pass, right? I'll still savor every sweet moment such as the other day when he gave me his crown from school.