Posts in category "Stories That Are Sure To Make You Laugh"

CPS School Closures: Knowing Before Going Is For Pansies

CPS School Closures: Knowing Before Going Is For Pansies
Chances are your kid is home from school today. And, chances are you have known about said cancellation for days. My heart breaks for today’s generation.  Our kids are spoiled rotten. Everything is instant. As parents we have to know everything NOW.  And the children suffer. Thanks to Google, kids today will never know the agony of... Read more »

The Heimlich Maneuver: Apparently There Is Something Else I Cannot Do

The Heimlich Maneuver: Apparently There Is Something Else I Cannot Do
I admit it…I’m an overachiever. If I want something done right…I may as well do it my goddamn self. Have you got a pen handy?  Grab a sheet of paper and write down Wednesday, December 16, 2013. Go ahead, circle it in red on the calendar.  For it is a day that should live in... Read more »

Honey Boo Boo: That Baby Has Three Flippin' Thumbs?!?

Honey Boo Boo:  That Baby Has Three Flippin' Thumbs?!?
Have you caught the Honey Boo Boo Show? Until yesterday, I was ashamed proud to admit that no, I had not. I caught the tail end of the marathon yesterday.  I tuned in toward the end of the episode where Chickadee birthed her baby.  Oh, My.  And, then the Halloween special.  TRICK.OR.TREAT.TO.ME. Here are some of my random... Read more »
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Twenty Words/Phrases That Should Never Be Uttered Again, For Realz

Twenty Words/Phrases That Should Never Be Uttered Again, For Realz
There are some phrases that cannot be uttered enough. “Crank up the crazy and rip off the knob”, “crazier than a shithouse rat”,  “yadda, yadda, yadda”, “are you frickin’ kidding me” and my personal favorite, the summation of my life thus far, “I shit you not”. And nothing can sum up someone’s personality in a nutshell... Read more »

A Letter To Princess Kate: A Distressed Duchess In The Dumper

A Letter To Princess Kate: A Distressed Duchess In The Dumper
Dear Princess Puker Kate: While I hope this letter finds you on the mend, I must tell you I write  sincerely when I offer you some words of wisdom following your recent run-in with the morning sickness. Suck it up, Sister. Seriously, I am beginning to think this regal gestation is going to last longer than Simpson’s and... Read more »

Christmas RSVPs: A Menagerie of Merry Morons Who Need Not Reply

Leftover Louie ~ ah, Leftover Louie is such a stroke.  Last Christmas Louie and his family signed up to bring a dozen cupcakes, one pumpkin pie, a 9x13 pan of green bean casserole, and a stick of butter.  As soon as the last person cleared the dessert buffet line, Louie and his brought-from-home box of ziplocks sprung into action.  You watched in horror as Louie bagged up every last crumb of whatever his family contributed to the meal (including the eighth-a-stick of leftover butter) and ran like lightning to secure them in the trunk of his car for safe keeping.  So, it came as no surprise this past Thanksgiving when you were asked to contribute five pounds of mashed potatoes to the family feast over at Louie's place.  As you were getting ready to leave, Louie handed you a bag heavy enough to make you think you had the makings for a pretty sweet turkey sandwich with all the trimmings to take back to your crib.  And, sure enough...later that evening...after your turkey-induced slumber...as your mouth watered thinking about the turkey goodness, you made your way to the fridge and opened the bag.  And then as you took the all too familiar looking container out, you slammed it on the counter as you shouted, "THAT MOTH-ER FUCK-ER".  THAT motherfucker indeed.  Leftover Louie sent you home with the remaining four pounds of your mashed potato offering.  It could be worse.  You could be your sister opening a half gallon of gravy and a ziploc bag containing exactly two-and-a-half croissants right about now.
The holidays are here along with all the weirdos that seem to participate.  Just when you think the freak flags that fly at your annual family gathering are exclusive to your gene pool…think again.  The names and faces may be different, but don’t fool yourself.  Their stories and the freakiness that follows are all the same.  ... Read more »
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Job Interview Takeaway: Old, Chubby Broads With Plenty Of Experience Need Not Apply

Job Interview Takeaway: Old, Chubby Broads With Plenty Of Experience Need Not Apply
My latest venture to find employment that pays more than peanuts just got a big, grubby thumb down. Or a clammy-fishlike-end-of-the-interview-handshake followed by the obligatory “if you don’t hear from us in twenty-four hours, consider it that we’ve decided to go in a different direction” send off. I’m nearing the forty-eight hour mark. Needless to... Read more »

Blagojevich Goes To Prison: Random Thoughts And Observations

Blagojevich Goes To Prison: Random Thoughts And Observations
  My thoughts and observations regarding the last twenty-four hours as I watch Blago do what he does best…lead a three-ring circus from Illinois to Denver.  Apparently he read my letter yesterday. This SOB is going out “O.J. Style”. Fanfrickintastic.  Those of you who had money riding on last meal  coming from the kitchen of... Read more »

Kids' Sports: When Everyone Wins Backfires

Kids' Sports: When Everyone Wins Backfires
I had a feeling there was more in the “fine print” located at the bottom of the kids’ birth certificates. More than feeding the heathens, dropping serious cash down on kicks they would outgrow long before the season was over, and of course maintaining a health insurance policy well into their twenties. Somewhere in the... Read more »
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Facebook De-Friending Day: Likely Reasons You Were Eliminated

Facebook De-Friending Day: Likely Reasons You Were Eliminated
November 17 has come and gone. Apparently yesterday was National “De-Friending” Day on Facebook. If you find yourself a bit lighter in the “friends” column today, sorry Charlie, you have only the reflection in the mirror to blame. Hate to be the one to break it to you, pal.  You’re (or do you say your) a clown.  It had... Read more »