Posts in category "Stories from My Childhood"

CPS School Closures: Knowing Before Going Is For Pansies

CPS School Closures: Knowing Before Going Is For Pansies
Chances are your kid is home from school today. And, chances are you have known about said cancellation for days. My heart breaks for today’s generation.  Our kids are spoiled rotten. Everything is instant. As parents we have to know everything NOW.  And the children suffer. Thanks to Google, kids today will never know the agony of... Read more »

Suck It, Cancer. It's Donna Day!

Suck It, Cancer.  It's Donna Day!
I remember the night I “met” Mary Tyler Mom and her daughter, Donna.  It was April 8, 2011.  My forty-fifth birthday. It was the first birthday I celebrated without the annual call from my dad at 10:23 a.m. to wish me a happy day and tell me the story of the rainy Good Friday I almost... Read more »

Handmade Gifts For Your Parents: You Know You Grew Up In The Seventies if These Were Under The Tree

Nothing said Happy Holidays better than a clay ashtray did in the seventies.  Light 'em up and smoke 'em if you got 'em...here is an ash tray lovingly kneaded by your first grader.  God Bless Us Everyone.
Yes, Virginia…there is a Santa Claus…and long before The Oriental Trading Company…teachers had pretty impressive imaginations. For the donation of a buck (to cover the cost of supplies), little elves spent the last week before Christmas Vacation working their fingers to the bone in order to provide the perfect gift for the parents. Way back... Read more »
Advertisement:

Christmas RSVPs: A Menagerie of Merry Morons Who Need Not Reply

Leftover Louie ~ ah, Leftover Louie is such a stroke.  Last Christmas Louie and his family signed up to bring a dozen cupcakes, one pumpkin pie, a 9x13 pan of green bean casserole, and a stick of butter.  As soon as the last person cleared the dessert buffet line, Louie and his brought-from-home box of ziplocks sprung into action.  You watched in horror as Louie bagged up every last crumb of whatever his family contributed to the meal (including the eighth-a-stick of leftover butter) and ran like lightning to secure them in the trunk of his car for safe keeping.  So, it came as no surprise this past Thanksgiving when you were asked to contribute five pounds of mashed potatoes to the family feast over at Louie's place.  As you were getting ready to leave, Louie handed you a bag heavy enough to make you think you had the makings for a pretty sweet turkey sandwich with all the trimmings to take back to your crib.  And, sure enough...later that evening...after your turkey-induced slumber...as your mouth watered thinking about the turkey goodness, you made your way to the fridge and opened the bag.  And then as you took the all too familiar looking container out, you slammed it on the counter as you shouted, "THAT MOTH-ER FUCK-ER".  THAT motherfucker indeed.  Leftover Louie sent you home with the remaining four pounds of your mashed potato offering.  It could be worse.  You could be your sister opening a half gallon of gravy and a ziploc bag containing exactly two-and-a-half croissants right about now.
The holidays are here along with all the weirdos that seem to participate.  Just when you think the freak flags that fly at your annual family gathering are exclusive to your gene pool…think again.  The names and faces may be different, but don’t fool yourself.  Their stories and the freakiness that follows are all the same.  ... Read more »

Dinner Served Without A Side Of Whine-Ass...I'd Like To Make A Reservation!

Dinner Served Without A Side Of Whine-Ass...I'd Like To Make A Reservation!
This week a restaurant outside of Pittsburgh announced they would no longer serve patrons who have not yet reached their sixth birthday. Many comment sections on Facebook and various blogs are crying foul.  How dare the owners of McDains Restaurant ban the children?  Doesn’t the proprietor, Mike Vuick, know that the youngsters are just trying... Read more »

I Am Not A Quitter

I Am Not A Quitter
I am the first to admit it; I tend to be a quitter.  Always have been, and it seems I always would be…but starting today I have decided I am just not going to give up as easily. For as long as I remember, I have found it simpler to just throw in the towel... Read more »
Advertisement:

Is Your Pork Chop Sporting a Milk Moustache?

Are you raising a tub-a-lub?  Are you sure?  Care if I check your fridge for proof in the form of a bottle of Hersey’s Chocolate Syrup? By now, I am sure you have either heard or read about the LA school district banning flavored milk at the start of the next school year in an... Read more »

Motherly Advice: Words of Wisdom from Ladies Who Know Better

Mrs. Wilson
Ever since I was young, I enjoyed this poem~Children Learn What They Live~I thought it contained all a mother would need to know to raise her child to be a happy well-adjusted grown-up.  I remember my mom had this framed in our home.  My mom was always good at handing out advice.  When I was... Read more »

Mother's Day Quotes

"A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary." ~ Dorothy Canfield Fisher
I love quotes.  Mother’s Day Quotes are no exception.  My favorite of all has to be the words of Jacqueline Kennedy.  “If you bungle raising your children I doubt anything else you do in life really matters very much.” This one describes my mom and probably yours as well~ “A suburban mother’s role is to deliver... Read more »
Advertisement:

Chicago Bulls: The Teamwork Engine That Could

ESPN.com Illustration I am hoping there is a tavern in heaven, there has just got to be, right?  And, I am even more convinced last night the big screen was tuned into the Cubs (even the angels and saints are suckers for the lovable losers) game as St. Armand served up an extra dry beefeaters on the rocks to... Read more »