Posts in category "lists"

Hey, Comcast - It Shouldn't Take Nine Days To Fix Someone's Cable

Hey, Comcast - It Shouldn't Take Nine Days To Fix Someone's Cable
I wish I could start a prayer chain – no – not for me, for my cousin. She needs nine days of her life back. Nine days.  Nearly a week and a half of the time she spent on the hopper with the good folks at Comcast. We’ve all dealt with Comcast at one point... Read more »

I Make Fun Of What I Don't Understand

I Make Fun Of  What I Don't Understand
One of my goals in 2016 is to become more tolerant. I admit it.  I make fun of what I don’t understand. Spoiler Alert:  I laugh at others peoples’ expense.  A lot. You may find that rude – possibly ridiculous – more than likely quite unacceptable – especially if you have no tolerance for bullies.... Read more »

Top Ten Things On Rahm Emanuel's Christmas List

Top Ten Things On Rahm Emanuel's Christmas List
Dear Santa, I apologize for the delay of my list, but it’s been quite a motherfucking few weeks.  All hell has broken every which way but loose since Thanksgiving.  Seriously, this goddamn town is up for grabs. Now, I want you to know I did send a duplicate list to Hanukkah Harry in hopes that... Read more »
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What I'd Tell My Dad If I Had An Hour

What I'd Tell My Dad If I Had An Hour
When I saw this picture or meme or whatever you might call this thing-a-ma-bob on Facebook a while back, my mind raced in a million different directions. I considered hanging with a lot of people. Who wouldn’t want to pick the brain of someone from the past or quiz someone still around about what makes... Read more »

10 Suggestions For Surviving A Chicago Snow

10 Suggestions For Surviving A Chicago Snow
Get a grip, Chicago, will ya?   It’s only snow – and it’s December – you knew it was bound to happen.  This is hardly your first time at the rodeo – so why don’t you start acting like it. Here are some tips to fake it ’til you make it – and by make... Read more »

Ten Thanksgiving Guests Nobody Wants This Year

Ten Thanksgiving Guests Nobody Wants This Year
Just as sure as that bird is going to be dry, you can bet the last slice of pumpkin pie one of these clowns will ring someone’s bell tomorrow. Do yourself a favor – don’t be one of these clowns. #1  “THE GUY WITH A BROKEN WATCH” – If the invite asks you to arrive... Read more »
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Ten Things I Learned Riding The Metra This Week

Ten Things I Learned Riding The Metra This Week
I started work downtown this week.  On Wednesday. Weird day to start, right? My interview was Wednesday morning at eight.  By eight fifteen, I was filling out paperwork in HR. They asked if I was interested in starting right away once  I finished signing on a variety of dotted lines. The absolute best part of the... Read more »

The Top 10 Things Mom Doesn't Want This Mother's Day

The Top 10 Things Mom Doesn't Want This Mother's Day
          #1o  Anything with your handprint on it – unless it is attached to a plate being put in the sink. #9   A luke-warm meal. She is gifted that 364 days a year already.  Cut your own meat. #8  Your eyes “looking at anybody”, your grubby paws “touching anybody”, and the unavoidable announcement delivered in... Read more »

I Believe

I Believe
I believe nothing makes you appreciate a beautiful, spring day more than a long, cold winter, the adult infatuation with Hello Kitty borders on insane, civilization as a Chicagoan appreciates it ends where the Kankakee Exits begin, nothing tastes better than an ice-cold diet coke from McDonalds, and if you’re going to tie up a... Read more »
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Kim Kardashian Delivery Is The Biggest Sham Since The 72-Day Marriage

Kim Kardashian Delivery Is The Biggest Sham Since The 72-Day Marriage
Did you catch the breaking news over the weekend? Kim and KunYAY are parents. God help us all. I don’t believe a word of it. At all. Five reasons why I think the krowning of the Kardashian Kid is the biggest sham since her 72-day marriage to the Neanderthal. 1)  This kid is nearly 36-hours... Read more »