I'm not really sure why I find these clowns entertaining. Suffice it to say I've already invested nine seasons of my time - why stop now?
And, as I suspected, tonight's episode did not disappoint. Bible.
It started out on a trampoline...
Khloe clearly got the memo: Wear backyard friendly clothes for trampoline scene. Kim didn't.
Too bad the slimmed down version of KoKo is jumping-imagine if Rob were the jumper...and Mrs. West fell on her backside...her ass ricocheting off that trampoline would send her flying all the way to Season 12.
Anyway-this season opens up with Khloe and her new motto:
She's not the only one. I don't know a lot either. The biggest head scratcher I have following tonight's episode: The K's seem to have more than enough money to blow-why the frick don't they spring for a moving company to get this gal out of her house?
Here's what I do know-thanks to the Kardashian wisdom this evening:
1. Divorce is hard. Not only is it hard it's the most "important decision Khloe will ever have to make in her life"
2. Kim says it took her one year to get over her 72-day marriage.
3. Khloe doesn't seem to have the attention span to spend a year getting over the marriage she agreed to following the whirlwind EIGHT DAY courtship.
4. Seems to me the most even more important decision Ms. I-Don't-Know had in her life was the I Do part...
5. Along with agreeing to be on this freak fest.
6. The only thing Bruce is going to do this season is appear as an extra-tonight-he's a packer and a mover.
While Khloe is worrying about what to pack ... across town Kris is in Krisis. The midlife kind. She's heading out to meet with Diddy and a "Boss". Apparently she's into rap these days.
Along with hanging out with Pippen's wife (Kim's longtime BFF-where the hell has she been you ask-don't worry Larsa says-she's not going to miss anything anymore), taking pole dancing/twerking classes, and wearing sweatshirts with her future
meal ticket son-in-law splattered all over her chest.
Poor Momager...she's beside herself trying to konvince the kids she's still got it at 58. Oh, she's got it alright. Poor Kim-she's basically a shy gal-she could never dance for Kanye-maybe he should turn on a camera-she loses all her inhibition when a camera starts rolling. You know another thing she's not shy about? Kontests. Yep-Kontests with Kris.
She and Kimmy are in a MILF Kontest. Too bad Khloe isn't a mother-according to her earrings, she'd win hands down...
A little later-after embarrassing the kids at the twerking/pole dancing class Kris decides to push the envelope and have a private photo shoot in the backyard. Why? Because she kan.
Khloe is freaking out-Mom doesn't have underwear on. Kourtney is konvinced the pool is a yeast infection about to happen-yeah, like Kris is the first Kardashian to let it all hang out in the backyard pool-and Kim-Kim is embarrassed again. She runs after mom to make sure she's "alright".
And to take some duck-lip-photobombing-selfies. Such Kompetitors.
Like most episodes-the konflict is kaput before the next kommercial.
The only other Kardashian Sister that appeared tonight was the pregnant one: Kourtney.
At the beginning of the episode poor Scott was worried about his wife-he fears she may be void of emotion-boy this guy katches on quick.
Another season another meeting with a therapist. Mrs. Fullcharge is "literally ready for a nervous breakdown". She's tired of feeling responsible for everyone around her. And she's pretty pissed off she can't get a lousy ten minutes to herself. It's enough to make a person void of emotion cry.
Enter "The Energy Coach". I'm not really certain what konclusion the Koach came to--I spent a good ten minutes trying to figure out if he/she had an Adam's apple. I couldn't figure out what he/she was saying.
She must have said something though--get out the life rafts...cause here come the waterworks. Following their "energy session"...Scott and Kourtney had a powwow. Like they always do following a blown-out-of-proportion misunderstanding...when they get together for a scripted level-headed not-blown-out-of-proportion understanding.
Anyway-Scott had a couple of questions for Kourtney. 1. Why didn't she get excited when he bought her a Ferrari. And 2. What does she exactly do all day.
I have a couple of questions for Scott. 1. What do you do all day that allows you to 2. Buy your wife a Ferrari?
Hopefully these questions along with many more will be addressed during the next episode. Spoiler alert-coming attractions-Kourt and LD must have ironed out their differences--looks like Mason and Penelope-the kids no longer seen thanks to life After North--have a new sibling on the way. Apparently Kourtney is doing "something".
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