Did you catch the breaking news over the weekend?
Kim and KunYAY are parents.
God help us all.
I don't believe a word of it.
Five reasons why I think the krowning of the Kardashian Kid is the biggest sham since her 72-day marriage to the Neanderthal.
1) This kid is nearly 36-hours old and no one has leaked a picture?
Seriously, these are the media-whores we are talking about. Beside every Kardashian mother in a birthing suite is her
baby daddy kamera krew.
How does a Kardashian drop a human being without documentation suitable for an all new Kardashian E! Special?
2) No deets out of the Kardashian Kamp.
Get out your ice skates...hell has frozen over...for the Kardashian Kamp is mum.
Nope, not even a single tweet containing the info every person asks for...time of birth...weight...ten frickin' fingers and ten flippin' toes. Even us mere mortals drop that info without blinking an eye.
No pictures of Mason and Penelope with their koveted kousin.
No freeze frames of Gramma Kris with Kimmy's Kreation.
One thing we can count on where the K's are koncerned?
Leaking Info, right? How the hell does Kimmer's water break without various news outlets' phone lines lighting up?
It's just unimaginable.
3) BREAKING: Kim hasn't tweeted since, literally, like Thursday. Bible.
RELATED... Has someone checked her for a pulse?
Right? This is the same girl who tweets to inform us she has taken a dump. Certainly she has an assistant who can let us all know that (go ahead...just imagine the nasally whine right about now) getting an episiotomy is hard. And it hurts. Real bad. OMG. #imneverdoingitagainlikeeverever.
4) Damage Control
The premature "arrival" (winkity-wink-wink-wink) of Kimye's love child is definitely serving as damage control.
Earlier this week word "leaked" (following the leakage of baby's daddy's record) that the proud papa has been stepping out on the future mother-of-the-year.
Try and swallow that pill, won't ya?
Hard to believe KunYAY has managed to land one "lady" let alone two.
Nothing like the early arrival of the second coming to take the heat off the news that Kim has found herself smack in the middle of another sham E! TV special.
5) The Mag headlines at the Check-out lanes are offering all the details of the emergency surgery/blessed event.
What the what?
How did the mags print all pertinent info and get it on the newsstands in less than 24 hours?
On a Sunday?
I say bullshit.
What say you?
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