Kardashian ReKap

Kardashian ReKap

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tuning in to the Kardashian's tonight?

In the event you missed last week's first episode of the eighth season...no fears.  I can bring you up to speed.

The first episode of the brand new Keeping Up With The Kardashians season found the krackpots right where we left them way back when...you know...a few weeks ago when K and K stuck a fork in Miami and wrapped up another season.

Kimmers is pregnant.

According to Mama Kris near the end of the premiere episode...if Kimmy is prego...then everyone is prego.  Go ahead...imagine the nasal-sounding whines of protest.

Kimmy is not happy about her "condition".  She is rather embarrassed.  Yep, the former gal-pal of Michael Jackson's nephew/RayJ's sex-tape partner/the 72-day bride of the Neanderthal is embarrassed because the divorce has taken ten times longer than the marriage lasted...and now she's carrying the unplanned seed of one Kanye (or do you say KunYAY) West.

Pregnancy must be wreaking havoc on poor Kim's mind.  Raise your hand if you remember the episode last season when Kimmy threw caution to the wind along with her birth control pills.  Yep, she declared on E! that she was ready to be a mother.

God help the world...the kid...and Kim because based on the size of her ass, ah sorry, snausage toes, eh, stomach, the stork is coming sooner rather than later.

Spoiler Alert:  Kim isn't feeling very maternal.

Remember what happened to poor Mercy the Kat once Kim tired of taking care of the feline?  Me too.

Spoiler Alert:  I fear Kim is never going to feel very maternal.  Narcissists never really do, do they?

The Chosen One (Kardashing-ly speaking) needs to child-proof a house...ain't no Kardashian have time for that!  Alas, Kim declares Kabinet Locks can wait until baby walks...Kool--Konsidering Kim thinks 24-months is the magic number.

Once again--God help the Generation Next when konsidering Kardashian Spawn.

Kimberly isn't the only one who needs a Klue...The yet-to-be-divorced-pregnant sister isn't the onlyKardashian kook-a-dook mid-krisis.

Step-poppa Bruce needs a lot of things too~here is a list in no particular order... a hair-stylist, a refund from his plastic surgeon, BOGO therapist coupons, and, if I am being honest, more than anything, the former Olympian really needs a swift kick in the ass.

Bruce's dilemma last week?  He has no space.  In the house that Kris built.

Kris' dilemma?  In a nutshell...Bruce's very existence.

The SOB has the nerve to invite his Helicopter Club over AND he ruins the Bachelor for Kris with his stupid remarks.  Oh, what is an a-hole to do?

Spoiler Alert:  I don't think Bruce's ridiculous remarks are the reason Kris is not enjoying the Bachelor.

Bruce searches for and moves into a Man Cave in Malibu.  His son Brandon and his wife hang out there.  They eat crap food and play pool or ping pong (I can't remember which table sits in the middle of the living space...all I recall is Kris doesn't agree with any of it)  A lot.

Not-so-much-of-a-Spoiler-Alert:  Imma climb out on a limb here and say I don't think the Jenner kids like their Step-Monster Kris.  At. All.

Kiley is learning how to drive.  She is by far the most ko0rdinated Kardashian.  She can kinda merge and chew gum at.the.same.time.  Krazy Kool.

After the Momager realizes she misses Bruce and his stupid remarks after watching an episode of the Bachelor alone on her faux grey and white molted komforter that kovers her bed, she enlists Kiley to drive her to Malibu to bring Bruce home.

And, in insekure-Rob news...he should konsider borrowing one of Bruce's two-fers from the shrink to get to the bottom of the reason as to why he still struts around in LamLam's old Laker jersey.

Early in the episode we find the Kardashian Kids in the Kitchen with douche-bag Disick discussing "back-door" deals.

Apparently Rob is konvinced this is the only way to land a gal.  He gets all his tips from his bestie Lamar.  Apparently Rob is privy to the  Odom's bedroom secrets, and suprisingly enough,  Khloe's not denying anything.

Spoiler Alert:  Perhaps if Khloe let Lamar in through the front door instead of the back once in a while, maybe her fertility problems might be resolved.  Just an idea.

Surprise, Surprise...Lord Disick is intrigued.    Bigger surprise:  Kourtney is not.

Kourntey continues to prove my first impression of her...once she opens her mouth ten pounds of stupid always seems to fall out.

The Disicks solve their problem by the end of the episode.  All it takes is for the eldest K sister to strap on a purple "dill-due" and Scott understands her pain.

Someone needs to phonetically spell Kourts' Kue Kards.

Hopefully an upcoming episode addresses the real elephant in the Disicks' bedroom:  the toddler rails on either side of the king-sized bed.

Spoiler Alert:  WTF?!?

Go ahead and pop some corn and ready yourself for the second episode tonight.

In the meantime you can ponder another thought.  The same one I've been milling over.

Why do we keep watching?

 

 

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