Twenty Words/Phrases That Should Never Be Uttered Again, For Realz

Twenty Words/Phrases That Should Never Be Uttered Again, For Realz

There are some phrases that cannot be uttered enough.

"Crank up the crazy and rip off the knob", "crazier than a shithouse rat",  "yadda, yadda, yadda", "are you frickin' kidding me" and my personal favorite, the summation of my life thus far, "I shit you not".

And nothing can sum up someone's personality in a nutshell quite like these two-worded zingers can: whack-job or douche bag or jag bag.

But, then, of course there are the other phrases and words.  The babies that make you cringe.  The bastards that ought to be banned.  Forever.  My hope for 2013 is that these words never be spoken again.  A girl can dream.

18)  "I'd hit that"  Yeah, sure you would...Hope you're swinging a pretty big hammer.

17)  "mmmm hmmmmmmmm":  Nine out of ten times this phrase/sound is uttered by a woman of color who is obviously on to her audience and clearly knows better.

16)  "Amazeballs":    This word used to make me giggle.  Giggle out loud, really.  Then I heard Guilianna Rancic (go ahead, roll your eyes, don't feel bad, cause I'm stopping to do the same) use it to describe one of RiRi's fashion choices and I realized "all the cool kids" are using the term.  It was at this point "amazeballs"  became much less funny.  For Realz (yet another bandwagon phrase G is hip with, yo).

15)  "In my humble opinion/IMHO":  Wow, someone thinks pretty highly of him/herself, don't they?

14)  "If I'm being completely honest", and in the same vein (ah, crap.  That could have been # 19) "do you want to hear the truth" :  Nah, lie to me, buddy.  Lie to me hard.  Lie like Pinnocchio, please.  Save the whole truth for someone who gives a rat's ass (p.s. another one of my favorites).

13)  OMG   LOL   YOLO:  I blame Facebook, the twats on the Twitter, and the lazy youth for these shortcut catch phrases.  Want to hear a secret? 

Sometimes, when I want to write something particularly snarky on your facebook status and I don't want to hurt your feelings but I really, really, really need to say something, anything (because if I don't I might crack my skull banging it on the keyboard) I snark away and then add an LOL at the end.   OMG!  Ah, shit...Y O L O !!  {HUGS}!!!  Extra exclamation points prove my sincerity.  NOT.

Perfect thing, really.  You think I am kidding...I know I am not.  Awesome.  (Awesome should have been #20).

12)  "Just sayin' "  As in..."Carol, that sweater is hideous, just sayin'"  Oh, for the love of God, PLEASE, tell me how you really feel.

11)  "Mommy Blogger"  The ONLY people who should refer to you as "MOMMY" are your kids.  Capiche?  Brad recently referred to Angie as "Mama" in an interview.  The entire episode left me with a creepy feeling. 

Yep, even creepier than I felt after watching that Chanel Ad. 

Mentioning yourself in the third person is weird enough, referring to yourself  as "Mommy" is just something one can never fully recover from. 

Same goes for referring to yourself or other mothers as Mama (as in "You go, Mama"), Warrior mom, mommy, or momma (blech), or the equally offensive...justifying any a-hole mother move with the obligatory " just a momma lion taking care of her cub". 

Hey, I beg to differ.  No she's not.  She's an a-hole.  And so are you.

10)  Baby Bump:  In a world that has jumped aboard the "everything-you-say-to-a-kid-will-have-serious-repercussions" bandwagon, this phrase begs the question: how will referring to the next generation growing in your belly as a "bump" for nine months shape his/her self-esteem in the next eighteen YEARS?  Sign me, Just Curious. 

Every time I hear someone use this term, I sing a little song in my head.  "My bump, my bump, my lumpy baby bump I'm so lucky I've got it thanks to my honey's humpity hump".  Hey, try it next time you see a People cover exploiting a potential gestating life, eh?  Makes it fun.

9)    "Cray", "Cray, Cray" , or my personal fav "YOU BE cray, cray" .  Thanks to a billionaire hip hop artist who can't pronounce crazy, society has a new obsession on its hands.  "Hey, that shit be cray cray".

8)   "At the end of the day" :  A phrase usually arrogantly uttered in a tone that suggests speaker is so much better than you.  Guess what?  At the end of the day, I am so over this phrase.

7)   "That being said" :  A phrase for the hypocrites.  "I think a bromance between two fellas is heartwarming, that being said, ah, "no homo" though.  For the record, bromance and no homo are two more phrases that have also neared the enough already finish line.

6)  "my friend" :  Remember when "Say-it-aint-so-Joe" referred to his VP running mate, Eddie Munster's look-alike as "my friend"?  Ah, yeah, there was nothing friendly about that.

5)  "shoot me/him/her an e-mail"  This phrase makes me want to scream, "Chuck you, Farley.  Do it YOURSELF."

4)  "Epic Fail" : Nothing puts an exclamation point on the phrase "Imma big loser" quite like the admission of the words "epic fail" in your vocabulary can. 

3)  ", there's that" :  An awkward phrase, really.  And... so there's that.

2)   "Chillax" :  Question:  How do you know if your facebook friend is a bona fide jag bag?  Answer:  He provides an occasional status update that reads as follows: "Just sitting around tonight, gonna chillax ~ hey, hit me up".  Wadda Weirdo.

1)   The Kardashians:  Hey, if you ask me the word Kardashian should be outlawed, along with any phrase it is associated with: as in "keeping up with" or when partnered with the King of all Kardashians and whichever minion she may be konsidering taking a US city with. 

You know what else should be forbidden?  The assorted phrases they have made "famous" when konsidering how to pass time while watching their family freak show (a perfect drinking game as far as I am koncerned). 

Dolls (okay, it was endearing the FIRST time Disick said it)...but each time after and  once the Momager took it on as her own it simply became obnoxious. 

Bible:  When a Kardashian Kreep utters something outlandish and then backs it up by raising her right hand to the sky and uttering the word Bible.  Come on now, you know even God is cringing when he hears that BS. 

Gorge:  as in "Khloe, that tiara rope you're wearing in your rat's nest is Gorge." 

And, don't forget the word the Klan is absolutely klueless about when it comes to grasping its true meaning: literally.  Doesn't matter.  It sounds so kool when they drop it, literally.


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