Mr. President, I have a problem...and I know you are pretty busy, but it is a big one. After letting the news of the week digest a bit I find I have plenty of questions. Do you mind?
Okay, first and foremost. What gives? I am the first to admit I have spent the better part of the last forty plus hours riding high on the news the world is finally rid of public enemy number one.
It is already Wednesday and I continue to try and get my head around the fact I heard the breaking news from Geraldo Rivera...GERALDO RIVERA...the story of the God damn century and the guy with the goofy mustache, little journalistic credibility and a whole bunch of dumb luck literally trips into confirming it to the world. Ah, the crap you couldn't make up if you tried.
Since the hour the news originally broke though it seems the story keeps changing.
Why the flip-flopping with the facts, sir? With all the backpedalling this week I'm surprised we haven't found ourselves in an era that lacks the invention of electricity.
Seriously--get the advisors together--figure out the story--and then for the love of all that is good in the world--STICK TO IT.
You were a regular citizen once. Remember when your Mom or Dad would tell you what they wanted you to hear? That is sort of how I feel right now.
I want to hear what you want us to hear THE FIRST TIME. What is wrong with heading to the podium and saying "hey, my advisors and I need a day to regroup and get our stories straight. Give us 24 hours and we'll touch base and get back to you providing the facts we want you to know."
What is so hard about that?
Every time I hear you say one thing I can bet my life that ten minutes later that press secretary of yours will hit the podium armed with notes he never can seem to read and his defensive attitude. Every time Jay Carney cops that attitude, I swear I want to throw a shoe at my TV.
Why is this guy so defensive when a reporter questions "the Pakistan Capture Story" as it takes a sudden 360? Didn't someone brief him on the expectations of the job when Cuddly Duddly Gibbs left for greener pastures a couple months ago? Tell me the truth, though, Gibbs is kicking himself right about now, isn't he?
Well, regardless, the story changing stuff is getting old.
Its crap just like this that makes us suspicious. Bin Laden was armed/wasn't armed...captured a week ago/captured hours ago...
...Pakistan helped us/we swooped in under the radar without their knowledge...we have photographic, video, and DNA analysis to prove his demise and will show you in the days ahead/yeah, we've got it, but nah, nah, na, na, na we're not showing you ...
...bin Laden is in a cave/oooh, looky loo, this guy has been hiding out in a mansion eight times the size of any other house in the area that is nestled in the suburban neighborhood that shares a zip code with retired Pakistani Generals.
I'm sure that last tidbit has you just as shocked as the rest of us. Oh, that crazy bin Laden sure pulled the wool over all of our eyes, huh?
For years our servicemen/women have been searching for a needle in a haystack and by golly all they had to do was look for the elephant in the room.
Oh, well, no sense crying over spilled milk. Truth is he is dead...and he won't have America to kick around anymore, although, I'm sure he has loyal followers lined up willing to die for his position as Scumbag in Chief.
And now there are so many doubters who wish you would release the picture of his sorry mug.
The picture that was snapped before his corpse was gently cleaned and wrapped in the white sheet before being honored with prayers in his native tongue before he was placed in a weighted bag before being lowered into the sea.
I know you think that saying it that way makes the other bat-shit-crazy extremists who worship this clown less likely to incite violence and you seem pretty smart so I'll take you at your word.
But, please forgive me if I envision his ending a bit differently. I really wish you would have brought his sorry ass back to Lower Manhattan to do one of two things.
Option one, gather all of the families of the people who perished in the September 11 attacks and after providing them each with a baseball bat drop that SOB off on a busy corner near Ground Zero. Let them have at him...piñata style.
That probably sounds too barbaric and undignified, huh? Then how about considering my backup plan...bring him up to the top floor of a burning building that he knows he can't escape and show him to a window to jump out of.
Sadly, unlike his quiet intimate seaside burial, this ending would not offer him the dignity of a clean body or familiar prayers. But, it might provide him the perspective of how his victims felt on that sunny Tuesday morning in NYC.
Yeah, I get it; an eye for an eye is not how Americans roll. I really do understand the message you try to convey regarding America taking the high road. But I respectfully disagree.
I do not understand how we could possibly "incite" the evil-doers any more than they are already incited. The extremists are completely insane. I am not sure that not releasing a picture of their dead leader (I'm sure you are well aware that they are aware a US bullet put out his left eye) is going to give us a 'free pass' as far as future attacks go.
It takes one insane clown to strap explosives to his dingy fruit-of-the-looms and board a filled to capacity air plane with full intentions of blowing it sky high with hopes of meeting seventy-two virgins upon completion of said mission.
I'm quite certain there is a line of eager beavers claiming numbers for another one of those missions regardless if they see a gruesome picture or not. It is just how the extremists roll. Insane.
Personally, I do not have any desire to see a picture of the creep--dead or alive. If I live to see 100 years and never have to see that smug mug again it will be too soon.
Before I wrap things up I'd like to address the American Indian uproar regarding you using Geronimo as the evil one's handle. What did they want you to use--Osama?
Don't apologize for that. You apologizing for using that name would be like Jennifer Love Hewitt having to apologize to me everytime she made an asshat move. There is not a camera man in Hollywood willing to put in the time required for that.
Now, I take you at your word and believe the world has been rid of this heartless snake. I remain convinced if there was a shred of disbelief his followers would not be referring to him in the past tense and a tape surely would have surfaced by now proving Sunday's announcement false.
I might not agree with your politics, but I do respect the office you hold. With that said I appreciate your decision to not release the photo and expect you to stick with your decision. Do like your friend Oprah says..."OWN it".
Please do not keep it tucked in your breast pocket with intentions of pulling it out a year down the road when poll numbers are lagging, citizens continue to doubt his May 1st demise, and an opponent with a bad comb over still demands its existence.
Stick to your original decision and don't go back on your word. I beg you Mr. President...please do not be that guy.