President The Donald Trump: Imagine This Freak Show for Just a Minute

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Imagine for a moment that the Year is 2013.  As American luck would have it the Mayans line of crap regarding the certain end to our world come December 2012 was a complete load of bullshit.  Amazingly enough, a complete end of the world as we know it via earthly doom would be better than what we face on this catastrophic day.

Sadly, we all did wake on December 22, 2012 and pinched ourselves, twice...yeah, the news regarding The Trumpettes, George Ross and Carolyn Kepcher being vetted for cabinet positions was real.  Really real.

Shockingly enough, it was validated by the announcement back in November that The Trumpster had just been elected President of the Free World.  And, his right-hand gal was none other than Vice President Sarah Palin.  The "Welcome-to-Reality-You're-Fired-You-Betcha" Ticket has proven to be a ratings jackpot, in terms of the landslide vote..

Following the self-proclaimed most expensively-funded-over-the-top Inauguration, The Hair and The Square descend upon DC. 

Bret Michaels, John Rich, Lil John, Meatloaf, Cyndi Lauper, Dionne Warwick, Clint Black, Brian McKnight, Tionne Watkins, David Cassidy, Trace Adkins, and Gene Simmons kept the crowd entertained after the masses were warmed up thanks to the comedy of Joan Rivers, Andrew Dice Clay, Tom Green, and Sinbad.

Piers Morgan served as MC extraordinaire for the day's festivities, while famous chef, Curtis Stone was flown in on a private Trump jet in order to put together the perfect menu for the evening.

Playboy models Brande Roderick, Tiffany Fallon and Hope Dworaczyk, Victoria Secret Angel Selita Ebanks, Deal or No Deal Model, Claudia Jordan and Super Model Nikki Taylor were on hand for special appearances at each of the State Balls, while Khloe and the rest of the Kardashian weirdos provided their celebrity and big asses as the Official Marshals of the Presidential Parade.

On January 21, it is business as usual at the newly named "Trump Gold House"...the president reasons people will be more impressed with a golden house.  Using the same philosophy, President The Donald has had the storage units cleared of all Sadam Hussein's palace furniture/golden fixtures and transported to load the interior and replace the tacky antiques filling the rooms of the White, I'm sorry, The Gold House. 

Cameras follow the president to his first official stop/press conference.  It takes place on the floor of the Capital.  The Senate and House of Representatives are assembled at the doors; Republicans on one side and the Democrats on the other.

Basically The Donald wants Congress to battle it out "Apprentice Style".  He explains that his former reality show was cancelled after announcing his candidacy.  He reiterates several times that it was the number one show on NBC.  Success like that doesn't lie.  He finds the format to be just what America needs in solving its problems.  He pompously remarks that it worked for him and he is a billionaire.

Each week the lawmakers will be given a task.  The winning team's project manager will be awarded the promise of a special earmarked bill for their constituency to be immediately passed.  For their first assignment, they must come up with a "new team name".

The losing team, naturally, will be called into the Oval Office where one of the senators/Representatives will be fired. 

The first task is putting together a health care menu in which they will call upon lobbyists and personal physicians "in-the-know" to gather the best treatments for people with the cash to afford them.  The newly appointed presidential press secretary, Carolyn Kepcher suggests keeping poor people around is not as important as keeping the successful, productive members alive.

As Kepcher continues to explain the "theme" of the week, the president interrupts.  "Poor people are lazy, there is no excuse for them, we need winners here in America and these clowns are pulling us down.  The sooner we find a way to get rid of them the better. Seems to me cutting off their access to affordable medical treatments are the best possible avenue."

The Republican Senators, after carefully choosing the name, "Careful What You Wish For", pick Olympia Snowe (R-Maine) as the project manager.  Together the rest of the Republicans reason that this is the perfect opportunity to throw that "bleeding heart Republican Liberal" under the bus.

Snowe has been sticking it to the rest of them for years with her wishy-washy voting record.  If ever there was a perfect opportunity to repay the favor, this was it.

The Democrats aka "We'll Take Bush Back, Please" are a unanimous voice as they scream out Peolsi when the president asks who will be representing them.  Madame Former Speaker's eyes about bug out of their sockets as she graciously breaks into an impromptu acceptance speech while team "We'll Take 'em Back" roll theirs.

Once finished, Trump asks if there are any questions.  Pelosi has one.  "Can I get my gavel back from Boehner for this task?"  One of the "Trumpettes" quickly pulls two golden gavels out from behind his back and hands one to each of the PMs cutting her off before she could continue to babble.

The following week the nation is treated to a heavily-edited clip of the week's experience for the law makers which serves as a pre-show during the heavily promoted "State of The Union Address".  The President has promised all week long during daily press conferences that someone would be fired "live" during this historical speech.

We are treated to a birds-eye view of the happenings in each teams' war room.  Joan Rivers, serving as The Donald's eyes and ears in "We'll Take Bush Back, Please" powwow, reports back to the president that Pelosi spent most of her time setting up a swanky office and getting new business cards with her name predominantly printed as Madame Project Manager Speaker. 

Joan also mentioned while the other law makers were busy getting in touch with their biggest contributors in the medical/pharmaceutical fields, Nancy was out to lunch with fellow lady reps. It seemed as if the nail in Pelosi's coffin came when Rivers remarked that Nancy often called her on her direct line with questions regarding her recommendations for plastic surgeons she should steer clear of. 

Gary Busey, whom the president often called to give him advice on bamboozling the voting public during the recent campaign, was called to critique Team "Careful What You Wish For".  After ten minutes of answering silly questions, Boehner was reduced to tears.  He returned to his room at the newly built Trump Tower D.C. and took to the king size bed in his suite where he remained for the rest of the week in a fetal position.  So completely taken back by the mind blowing conversation coming from Busey's flapping lips, Boehner's once orange complexion was now pasty white.

Finally, the moment American's have been waiting for had arrived. The Majority Floor Services Chief and the House Sergeant at Arms announce The President of the United States.

Suddenly the east wall of the Capitol opens and Mr. Trump's board room appears.   Rivers and Busey take their seats on either side of the Trumpettes... 

Yeah, this administration is just what America needs.

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  • Nice.

    Reading this artile was like watching porn.

    And when I say "like" I mean exactly, and when I say "porn" I mean Brazilian models playing Monopoly naked on my balcony.

  • In reply to gwill:

    ...and when I say "artile" I mean article...

    Boobs.

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