Kinky BDSM: Safe Words

Have you ever found yourself in a situation in which the dominant chooses the safe word for you and you are scrambling to remember what it was when your hands start to feel numb? I cannot tell you the number of times I have witnessed a scene like this in which the submissive was given a word that was rather long, obnoxious or hard to remember. Who chooses SOLILOQUY as a safe word?

Batman and Robin Safeword

I do not play with safe words, unless I was the one bottoming. Most submissives that have played with me can attest to the fact that they have never needed a safe word. The British Bulldog never needed a safe word the one and only time we have gotten to play, however, in his case he was gagged for the most part and would not have been able to speak it.

The reason I do not play with safe words is due to the fact that I am more of a Sensual Domme. Slow, methodical and almost sweet in the beginning. This allows the submissive to build up a comfort level with me. This also allows me, as the Domme, to watch his body language and know when I need to pull back, to speed up, to soften the blows, or when I can hit him harder.

As a newbie to BDSM, you will want a safe word and something you can remember easily when you get into a situation you cannot handle anymore.

Examples of bad situations are:
Bondage is too tight and your hands are starting to feel numb or cold
You have been dangling upside down for too long and your face feels like it is going to explode
You have been kneeling for 2 hours straight and that old sports injury is starting to feel like someone stabbing you
The hair pulling that was once fun is not feeling like they are ripping it out
The spanking you are getting is far more intense then they lead on to believe
Your blood sugar is starting to drop and you feel you are about to crash (this can get ugly so please pay attention!!!)
Your Dominant is about to pull you into a situation you are not comfortable with
The breath play that seemed fun at first, but now feels like you are being suffocated

These are just a few situations that could cause you to scream out your safe word. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR DOMINANT, DO NOT PLAY WITHOUT HAVING EATEN!!! When a persons blood sugar crashes while playing, it can be deadly. I have witness a woman, she was a switch at the time, that refused to eat before playing and she crashed hard. It took several people to take her off of the device that she was bound to, and the ambulance was almost called since she passed out. You do not want to have to explain to the nice guy that it taking you to the hospital why you are scantly clad in leather straps and rope.

Do not use Red, Yellow or Green as safe words. A lot of Dominants, including myself, use these terms to see where you are when it comes to your pain threshold. If you are clear for take off, you are Green, if you are in need of refueling you are Yellow and if you are about to crash land you are Red.

If you ever find yourself in a situation you do not feel safe in, please turn around and walk right back out the door. A submissive should always feel they are in a safe environment, that their limits will be respected, and if the Dominant does not allow you to use a safe word that is an unsafe environment. Take it from me, I have been in your situation before and know the signs to look for.

As always, stay KINKY Chicago!

Mistress Julie

Filed under: BDSM

Tags: Dominant, Safe Words, submissive

Comments

Leave a comment
  • Hello Mistress Julie! I'm a young adult female from the St. Louis area who is very interested in BDSM (I find Dominatrixes very sexy!). I was wondering how you even got into the scene? I don't even know where to begin with all of this! My friends are very conservative so I'm unsure where to turn. I searched Illinois Dominatrix and you're blog was one of the first hits. Thanks so much for your input.

  • In reply to gouche654:

    Gouche:

    Feel free to email me off the site if you would like to discuss anything that you might be interested in, what you might need help finding or just to talk in general. My door is always open.

    MJ

Leave a comment

  • ChicagoNow is full of win

    Welcome to ChicagoNow.

    Meet our bloggers,
    post comments, or
    pitch your blog idea.

  • Advertisement:
  • Fresh Chicago News

  • Meet The Blogger

    Mistress Julie

    I have been in the Chicago BDSM scene for a little over 12 years. I am not serious like many people are, but I also do not take what I do lightly. I have dabbled in many kinky things and currently working on perfecting my bondage techniques. My main goal is to bring the BDSM scene to vanillas that are interested in it in a non-freaky way. This is not only a blog about what I am doing or have done but a place for you to ask questions and hopefully learn more about the scene then what you think is real in porn. Trust me, porn is not real!

  • Latest on ChicagoNow

  • Advertisement: