Can Someone Bragging About Dating Be A "Debbie Downer" Too?

Ever find yourself with a friend that is all happy about their prospective date, brags about what they have, where they talked about going on vacation, this date wanting to move your friend in with them and they have yet to go on that first date?

Sure you play the supportive friend because you have seen what they went through before and you hope that they find happiness, but then the bragging begins. The first couple of times it is fine, it is the giddy "I am in love" feeling, that puppy love thing that we all get the first time we finally snag a date with someone you are interested in. You know what happens after the first date because you have been there for them when they are texting you how bored they are or that you cannot believe you are listening to the same conversation again. Instead you are the supportive one that props them up, tells them it will be ok and hopefully the next one will be better.

The one pet peeve is when there is something that is devastating going on is a suitors life and they do not want to listen to it. I understand things happen, a crisis in ones household are not always fixed in 5 minutes and when it is a crisis that is out of anyone's control there is still that added stress to deal with. Take a deep breath and say to them that you understand and tell them you will see them another time if they want to be alone to deal with the situation or see if they want to do something that will help them take their mind off it like going to dinner or a movie. Instead your friend decides to complain about the situation and you play the understanding one because you have been in their shoes and just hated being ignored.They can be a "downer" here too by wanting to be the center of attention at all times and become the drama queen when they are pushed to the side for something that is more important then themselves.

You always hope they find someone that will make them happy and always there for them, but the moment they start to talk about someone and you want to interject with what you think is going on they get all huffy and say things like "well you didn't let me finish telling you what else he did (said, cooked, etc.)." Sorry but no matter how they try to sugar coat it, the crap all smells the same underneath. Either he is not ready for a relationship, you are the rebound, or some life altering disaster just happened. Sometimes you just tell your friend that everything will be ok and this is just a stepping stone in life that teaches us what we want and what we don't want. Sort of narrows the pool of suitable suitors, but at least you are finding someone closer to what you really want in the long run.

All the while you are single, still looking for that perfect boyfriend and just wondering what the hell happened to men in this city. You are not finding the guy that has a lot of money (of course I am not seeking out a rich guy either), you are not finding the guy that has a wine collection that mostly is from the Sonoma and Napa regions of California (more likely grabbed something on the way over), does not live alone in a great house that probably could use a touch of love (most of the guys I find have roommates). Sure you could say I am the "downer", but really I do not speak about the horrible date I had the other night. I might brag about the hottie I banged and wonder how I was able to get a boy, 23, in my bed and do all those crazy things SOBER.

Of course bragging about one night stands was the thing my friend and I did most of all because our dates usually fruited to nothing more then a hand shake and a good luck on the future, or a quick romp in the sack followed by disappointment and an unfulfilled feeling. We brag about thee things to make ourselves feel better about it because we can.

Now today I feel like I am being treated like I am the bad friend for not wanting to listen to someone bragging about wine their date was pulling out when the call was suppose to be about advice. I watch certain shows to keep ahead of the curve with politics, sex and everything else that seems to fall in between. I opted to ask that he skip ahead to what they wanted advice on so I can get back to what I was so engrossed in and was received with a dial tone. *click*

Yeah, I felt like I was rude, but did they bother to ask if you were doing something? No, right after the hello it was all of a sudden "I need your advice on something." If you are not going to get to the point in 5 minutes I will block all that is said, smile and respond with uh huh, yeah, that sucks, etc. while I continue to pay attention to what really mattered to me in the first place. I should make a rule from now on that no one is allowed to call me between the house of 7pm and 10pm. Only one friend is allowed to call me during those times and that is because him and his wife are very liberal democrats and we call each other during commercial breaks and discuss what proverbial shit just hit the fan and how it can effect President Obama's re-election or not. Really I follow politics for the following reasons:

1) How will this election effect my healthcare
2) How will this election effect my taxes, groceries, fuel and transportation
3) How will this election effect my job
4) Which candidate will really stand up for the things that Americans need
5) What will the elected candidate do to help preserve the environment we live in
6) How will this election effect my kinky lifestyle (yes it is the last thing but it is no less important)

Sure, I could be seen as the friend that didn't care, I admit that was probably a bad time to be a bitch but I have been battling insomnia, stress at work and a shit can full of other things that i just choose not to bog down certain friends with. However, if seen from my side you can see that I did not want to hear about another date pulling wine from Napa while I am drinking my concord grape juice and flipping between CNN and MSNBC trying to follow something for a later phone conversation with a friend on politics. I am not a huge follower, but when I have someone telling me I need to watch something this means either something good will come of it or something bad. Personal time is precious when you have to be up at 7am the next day and it is already 8pm.

I know I am not the type of person to brag about all my dates, but I will send a picture and ask if I look alright. What girl would not want her best friend to say she is looking like a tramp and then later say go get em' cougar? Yes that is a joke, but my best friend and I would joke like that all the time. Having your self confidence boosted is is good before a first date or a blind date, can sometimes change the whole way the date is seen.

Do not let your bragger friend think it is ok to make your life look like crap. Bragging and making your friends feel like they are dating pond scum and one step closer to Loserville is also a "Debbie Downer" in my opinion. Remind them that your life is just as peachy even though you might go on a blind date with a guy that is a delivery boy for "XYZ" company, but at least he has ambition. You never know, within 6 months he might be managing the distribution end of "XYZ" and buying himself a new truck so the two of you can ride in style.

Whether your best friend is a real Debbie Downer or the Bragging Debbie, remember one thing, no matter what happens Your friends will always be there for you when you need them so do not alienate your best friend being a jerk by not listening or by bragging too much. It's going to hurt the moment you need someone to talk to about something really serious or exciting and you grab your phone to realize you both are not talking to each other.

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