Is He Really Single?

Well, lets just start with how bad my 2 weeks have been. Between feeling like the Bulldog (I will have to follow up on the Bulldog as he and I still have to have a "heart to heart" about our current situation) is not all he is claiming to be and wanting to release him to the one guy that was asking for advice and as recent as this weekend turned out to be one of those guys I despise!

I am one to give the benefit of the doubt towards men/boys when it comes to the lifestyle. Many are just playing to get sex out of the deal, others are true and live the lifestyle and want to be submissive. Well, I came across one that I gave advice to that I was sort of flirting with and found that he was not all he was cracked up to be.

J, who wrote in for advice on Finding The Right Mistress turned out to be one of those guys that is married, not getting what he wants out of the relationship and turned to a few Pro Dominatrices in the past. Playing outside of your marriage, unless it is an open marriage, is not condoned by me nor many of the Dommes/Mistresses in the community. It is men like this that give women like me a bad name because we are see as the evil doers of a marriage falling apart. Cheating is cheating, period. I think his confession came out after a couple of email exchanges about sex and the discussion of what was suppose to be our upcoming meeting.

This is for all the men out there that are not happy in your current relationship and want something to spice it up. PLEASE ASK YOUR WIFE/GIRLFRIEND/SIGNIFICANT OTHER TO SPICE IT UP WITH YOU! If you are the type of guy that feels your kinks are far to out there to discuss with your other half then maybe you are in the wrong relationship. Why do those that have someone in their lives already and they made that commitment feel they need to cheat? Why not just go to your current partner and have a long discussion? It is not a bad thing, I know many couple who later in life discussed their desires and found they were both into the same things! As your wife to spank you, as your husband to tie you up, JUST DO NOT CHEAT!

I am not saying you need to get divorced now and seek what it is you want, but if you are that unhappy in your life that you need to seek what your mind and body desires with someone other then your significant other then you might want to rethink your life's priorities. I would never condone cheating as cheating has happened to me in my past as a vanilla girlfriend. If you feel you need to seek something outside of your relationship, first speak with your better half and see if she is interested. Not all prudes are that, some are closeted Dommes that just never spread their wings before. If she is not into it prod her for a reason. There has got to be a reason as to why people are not into kink, religious upbringing, it is dirty and should never be done, TV and movies have portrayed the lifestyle as something that is wrong and disgusting. Sure there is the stigma attached to the lifestyle, but we all have to see past it as many have embraced their inner nerd/geek, Dominant personality, submissive, etc. We all have fetishes whether you want to admit it or not, embrace it and be happy!

Having spent 12 years playing with boys, I have learned a lot of the red flags that pop up when communicating with a man/boy that ladies can follow, such as:
Does he call you late at night and give you a Google number? I have had a stalker in the past and have opted to using a Google number till I feel comfortable giving my real number to someone. When  guy gives you a Google number that means one of 2 things, he is either broke and no real phone or he is married. J did not give me a Google number but He understood why I gave him mine which was fine with him. He called me late on both nights that we spoke, was very short in answers and seemed rather nervous like he was going to get caught. I tried to ignore the red flag till he emailed me!

Does he constantly change the way he communicates with you? These are flag when he goes from hot and heavy every waking hour of the day to stone cold silence for weeks on end. This could mean a variety of things like vacation, work, travel, or the big one HE HAS A FAMILY ALREADY! I went through this where the guy was communicating with me only during the day because his internet usage and messages were not monitored by a significant other. Again I found out when I was playing with this guy and I asked if a mark on his bottom was going to be an issue. Let's just say that ended ugly for him with me.

Does he seem to change plans all the time before you are to meet? Yes ladies, this means he is not alone. Changing plans due to work schedule or travel is one thing, but constantly changing plans and never meeting in public in his area or at his place tends to mean he is definitely not alone! Red flags are flapping in the wind by now ladies!

Is he constantly checking his phone and watch for the time or missed calls/messages? Unless he is an investment banker/trader on all markets or one of his parents is on their death bed checking the time and messages is not necessary when you are alone at dinner. This is an indicator that he is worried that the other half might call and ask where he is, will he be home for dinner or like me is a worry wart and wants to make sure he is ok and what time to expect him home. I would say unless he was the guy that is sworn to protect the President, his phone should be in his pocket and never touched unless he is showing you photos of a pet, some fetish clothing he just got or maybe photos from a previous scene.

Is he constantly asking questions that you have already answered about marks, permanent marks, chastity and such? Yeah, all men are afraid of marks if they are with someone. Some marks you can get away with saying you ran into a table or a counter, I ought to know since I have done it for years! My knees are shot from knocking them into my desk drawers all these years! They are the first one to say no I cannot have marks and give a shady reason in response. He will also be the first one to say I do not mind chastity as a play thing but I cannot wear it all the time. Come on guys, after awhile you get use to it and everything is fine, but if you give excuses upon excuses we start to catch on quicker then you think.

Ladies, please watch for the red flag when speaking with someone that you feel is cute, willing to play the way you want to and then all of a sudden does a complete 360 on you. That is when it is time to get the hell out of Dodge and find the fast horse to ride.

Gents, why do you lie to us ladies? Why do you feel you need to cheat to get what you want? You are the reason women like myself look bad in the movies, tv shows and in the press. We are not here as your play things, you are suppose to be ours. Maybe one day you will grow some balls and seek what you want in life instead of settling, but it is not right or fair of you to drag us down your dirty tunnel! Find your own flashlight and go down that tunnel either alone or with your current partner and leave the rest of us out of it!

For the rest of you in Chicago and around the world, please remember this is about trust and you cannot build trust on a foundation made of lies. I wish all of you luck in your kinky ways and remember to be honest with your current partner and save them from the pain and anguish when you are dragged through the mud.

Sincerely,
Mistress Julie

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