Advice: Is She Real Or Fake

Advice seeking information on how to spot fake Dommes and how you deal with them.

Hello Mistress Julie,

My name is D, and I am a sub by birth/switch by necessity. I say that because although I have had a lifelong desire for submissive kink all the girlfriends I've had have been vanilla, or subs themselves at best. This means any scenes or playtime usually consisted of me telling them what to do while I am gagged and tied up. Nothing kills a scene like having your hand freed so you can put on your own ball stretcher. I give them credit for trying though, and a few actually got to be ok with teasing and cbt. But my point is you can't turn just anyone into a Mistress, and I'm sure my problem is not uncommon. But when I was a horny teenager I couldn't wait for the day to be an adult, and have my own Mistress. And now I am an adult and I still have not had a true Mistress, or even a scene with a woman who actually wanted to torture me without having to be talked into it. Mostly that is due to time spent with vanilla girlfriends, but it is also because I'm not sure where to look. So I started looking online, and probably found a fake.

I stumbled across your blog today because I was investigating fake dommes, and one of your articles came up in a google search. I decided to take the plunge recently and pay for a kink dating site, and the only domme to respond was a local 26 year old Mistress with no pics on her profile. Strike One. We messaged a bit, she sent me some rules of hers, asked me about myself a bit, told a bit about herself. That is fine. Had me send a pic as an assignment. Then she tells me if I am serious I have to delete my account to show I am not looking for another Mistress, right then. Strike Two, kinda. It was kind of a kinky request, but not going to toss $30 on someone I haven't even seen yet. So I made it invisible. She seemed pleased. I then got a story and pictures from her. Then we were chatting on Y!, set up a day to meet, and that's when the money talk started.....She wants to train me, but she needs me to buy toys. Sends me a list copy and pasted from JT's Stockroom it looks like. Over $1000 in toys. Big F'ing Strike Three. I played along, me:"I can't cover that much." her:"How much can you cover? I will get the rest." me:"Do we need all these toys? Like the $155 slave hood, that's not one of my fetishes, and we could just use a blindfold and gag." her:"Are you telling me how to train my slave? I will not tolerate topping from the bottom!" I swear she even mentioned toys from Dubai that her "supplier" just got.

I told her I'd do it to see where I would send it and, Strike Four, it was in Michigan where she happens to be this weekend at an art show. Western Union $500to a guy who, according to the internet's stalking powers, says he runs some type of church type thing in Grand Rapids. I may be a worthless sub, but I am not a foolish worthless sub. Yet despite all this I still want to believe. I am that desperate for a Mistress that I would put all my common sense aside. I would even pay $500 for sex toys if there was a Mistress, but there can't be can there? I guess if you are still reading I would like to know 1) your thought on this fake. 2) how to meet an actual domme and 3) if you would consider me for your current stable (and now you really lost her Dave). This was not my original intention in writing you, which is still advice on the above, but after reading your blog as I was writing I thought why not? And not blowing smoke here, but your blog is one of the best (albeit early on) BDSM blogs I have read out there, and look forward to more. Most Mistress/kink blogs are comical in one way or another. There is not a hint of bullshit, and it has a very real feel to it. Good choice to skip the badly animated chains that look like they were made with Windows XP. And it is informative, well written, not to mention full of sexy talk. No BS, good job. So thank you for your time Mistress. I hope I didn't bother/bore you, but I say your e-mail in one of your posts, so I figured I'd take you up on it.

Thank You Again,
D

Dear D:

Let me first make it clear to you, your gut was telling you something was bad so it is apparent that you should have stopped talking to this woman. The desire to feel this was real and that you wanted to see if it would get better just proves that you might not be ready for meeting Dommes just yet. You cannot trust everyone, let alone someone asking you to send them money and buy them expensive toys. Also the fact that you asked her why do you need something was proof enough that she is a fake. Flags do not appear out of no where, it is usually because you know something is wrong. This is when you go screaming for the woods and make sure the coast is clear before returning to the play ground.

I for one do not ever ask a sub/slave to buy anything other then sex toys. I am not using my dildos on them, they will not use theirs on me and there will be no cross contamination of anything in between. With that said, this is a normal request. If you have a Domme that does not request that you have your own sex toys, please make sure that you have your own and that she uses those on you when you do find one to play with.

The fact that she was asking you to buy all these things just shows she is new to the scene as well and is not willing to spend her own money on the items she requested or she is a broke as bitch that thinks she has found her self a sucker. You followed up with me after we traded a few IM's on Yahoo and told me that she has since deleted her profile on Alt so that proves to me that she was a fake. No one in their right mind would go out and buy me a leather hood that costs $600 so why would I expect you to do that for her? These days there are a lot of fake Dommes out there that will get boys to spend their hard earned cash on toys that they know they can turn around and resell on eBay and make a killing because there are many of us, myself included, that will go to eBay and buy something we want if it is cheap enough.

Another red flag is she was basing her toy list off JT Stockroom. JT's is ok, but they are not the best for everything. I prefer my leather items from Mr. S. Leather/Mrs. S. Leather. Dildos and butt plugs from either Tantus, Square Peg, VixSkin or shopping at either Tulips or Cupids Treasure since they carry Tantus and VixSkin products. Tulips also carries Tool Works floggers and vipers tongues that I ABSOLUTELY LOVE! Nothing like the opening of the Boystown location, they had champagne and sex toys. Lets just say I was glad I had just gotten my bonus with the amount I spent and what I bought! Drunk, horny and sex toy shopping is a deadly combination for me.

The moment you found out she was in Michigan and not in Illinois or even Chicago should have been proof enough this bitch was CRAZY! No one should lie about where they live, especially if the submissive/slave is not close to them. You have to be careful and ask key questions when dealing with people that do not have locations listed on their profiles. I once was dealing with a vanilla guy that said he lived in Bridgeport but was in London at the time working. I use to date a guy in Bridgeport back in 1999 and so I knew a few places around that area. I asked him about his favorite bar, place to get coffee, place to get Italian ice, etc. Of course he could not answer any of them, would tell me about popular places in Wrigleyville. I am sorry but if you live in Bridgeport you cannot tell me you do not have a favorite Mexican joint to get tacos from!

My advice to you is, again, trust your gut. When you see the red flags waving and they just keep getting closer and closer to your face like the annoying child in a grocery store, you best heed the call and run for the hills as fast as you can and do not look back! If someone tells you after your first conversation that they own you, run fast! If they tell you to shut off your profile because you no longer need it and never bothered to meet you in real life, SHE IS A FAKE! The follow-up email you sent me when you said she deleted her profile proves that your gut was right from the get go. Remember these words and safe surfing. I wish you luck on finding the right person for you. Keep me posted!

MJ

Stay delicious Chicago!

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