Advice: Domme Training

Mistress Julie, 

Where in Chicago is it possible to learn domme techniques?  I was surprised to find that there is a distinction between fetish and domme.  It seems that some of the places that market themselves as dominatrix are not.

Best,
E

E:

What is it you are looking to learn? Are you a vanilla woman seeking information because you have a submissive boyfriend? Are you a Dominant woman that is new to the lifestyle and in need of a mentor? Are you and a boyfriend both vanilla but seeking to spice up the bedroom and found that he might have submissive tendencies?

Fetish is sometimes something that turns a person on sexually like looking at a woman's legs in stockings and wondering if they are full pantyhose or thigh highs with a nice lacy garter. Domme is a dominant woman. Both are not the same as the other. A Domme plays on a submissives fetishes and teases him and awakens him sexually.

Dominance is a personal feeling, something that is inside you, once you grasp what you are you can generally go forward and do what makes one feel good.  If you are seeking information for teaching you things like bondage, flogging, and various different things in the lifestyle I would recommend finding a Dom or Domme that is willing to mentor. I was mentored when I first got into the lifestyle by a switch that I am friends with. I also bottomed to a Dom and learned a lot about my own body, what it felt like to be in subspace as well as when enough is enough. As I play with submissive I learn to read the body language, like when he is figuring out the patter to the flogging, which side of his bottom I was going to spank next, the anticipation is there and he is ready for it so this is when you switch it up.

If you can tell me what some of the things are you want to learn maybe I can show you, find you resources, recommend someone for you to speak with and maybe mentor you or maybe I can get you in touch with a friend that knows more people in the lifestyle that you can speak with and possibly find a good mentor through that.

If you are looking for reading material there are a bunch out there and I recommend The Sensual Arts of Female Dominance, The Loving Dominant, and Female Dominance: Rituals and Practices. Many will tell you to read Screw The Roses, Give Me The Thorns but the moment I opened that book I tossed it in the trash. Actually I gave it to a friend that was looking to replace a copy that he loaned out but found it was not worth my time to read, to dry, no feeling, seemed why to clinical and did not give a point of view.

If you have further details that you can provide me as to what it is you are seeking this will help me immensely.
As for your comment on dominatrix and places, I am guessing you were in contact with actual Dominatrixes and that tends to be a pay to play kind of thing. You might also want to try the Annex or some of the community college pages that might tell you where they are teaching classes on kink. Even if it might be some bullshit class you will at least learn a few things that might be helpful. Another good thing to try is some of the local Dungeons have introductory meetings so you can tour the play space and see what they have to offer, as well as discussions/classes that you can attend. I gave a class on Chastity when I was on a year or 2 into the concept of locking a boy in a real chastity belt. The Leather Rose and The Galleria II have joint discussion groups that meet once a month I believe and you can find their meetings on the LRA's website. The discussions/classes are free but they do ask that if you want to stay you sign up for a free pass for that day.

I do hope this was helpful and if not please feel free to email me again and provide me with more details as to what it is specifically you are seeking.

Mistress Julie

Stay delicious Chicago!

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    Mistress Julie

    I have been in the Chicago BDSM scene for a little over 12 years. I am not serious like many people are, but I also do not take what I do lightly. I have dabbled in many kinky things and currently working on perfecting my bondage techniques. My main goal is to bring the BDSM scene to vanillas that are interested in it in a non-freaky way. This is not only a blog about what I am doing or have done but a place for you to ask questions and hopefully learn more about the scene then what you think is real in porn. Trust me, porn is not real!

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