Occupy This! - Kelly's Vent-i-lation

Just yesterday, I had the altogether unpleasant experience of observing the Occupy Chicago protesters outside of the Board of Trade building on LaSalle Street.

Let me tell you, somebody is missing the boat when it comes to guerrilla street marketing.  There is really a pressing need for samples of "America's #1 Roll-On" -- BAN deodorant.  This is not only a less-than-intellectually scintillating group -- but one desperately in need of a shower.

Good God, can't someone be a protester and still bathe?   Overall, I am seeing a lot of slackers, who have never paid a ComEd bill in their life, live in Mommy's basement and probably didn't refinance a mortgage last year.  I think they believe when they are done paying for their tattoos and receiving a student loan, somebody should just hand them a terrific job!

Ban Original Roll-On Antiperspirant & Deodorant, Regular

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff™ Complete Protection for a cooler, fresher you.

As evidenced by the television and radio interviews with an Occupy spokesperson, "Articulate" is not her middle name.  If Mayor Emanuel and the always patient Superintendent McCarthy decide to open any dialogue with the leaders, they may want to brush up on their Valley Girl lingo -- uh, ya know?

Oh, and just so you know - my husband and I own a small business, pay up the wazoo for everything; are continually ponying up for city services which others misuse; and must provide criminals with public defenders, including those "70 percent of incarcerated people with substance abuse problems," as Toni Preckwinkle reminded us this week.

Yes, we will keep on writing the checks, and we will NEVER get a handout from any government agency.  Unless we decide to lie, cheat and steal in order to work the system.

Speaking of  the Cook County system, will Todd Stroger, aka "Urkel," and his grant-grubbing, former lowlife staff members ever be indicted for anything resembling a crime?  I pray that US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald is working overtime on this one.

My sister has so aptly expressed what is "ailing our country....the Gimmee Generation."  How true.  I watched a Starbucks Barista generously supply ice water in a FREE plastic cup ( it is certainly not free to Starbucks) to a less-than-appealing dude, ranting about how he'd like to leave America and go live in "China, Asia or Jamaica."   Huh?  He probably can't find China on a map. Besides, they'd have his baggy-ass drawers in a labor camp quicker than he can say "bailout."

As for Jamaica, my husband asked:  "Would tomorrow be too soon?"

I spoke to the retailer whose sales are down considerably, because protesters are blocking a pathway to her store.  It has also been reported that a New York cafe proprietor was forced to lock her bathroom, since the squatters decided it was okay to miss the toilet, break her sink and not even buy a cranberry muffin on their way out the door.  Gee, that sure helps a struggling economy.

It is such an ironic story for those hard-working small business owners.  In Chicago, there was one Miss Smartypants, trying to sleep over in Grant Park and so proud of being arrested, who suggested that the Chicago Police Department have bigger fish to fry and should be focused on "murders and rapists."  I would suggest to her that all civilized societies have rules and usually for very good reasons.

No Littering.  No Loitering.  No Guns Allowed.  The Park Closes at 11pm.   If she followed the rules, then she would alleviate the stress on our police resources.

Also, haven't the protesters infringed on my rights as a citizen to sit on a clean bench or walk in the park, without seeing some creep publicly urinate on the grass?

I actually think actors and activists like Susan Sarandon and Alec Baldwin should open up their private homes and allow nasty, self-entitled morons from Occupy Wall Street to soil their bathroom floor.  Of course, I can only imagine Mayor Bloomberg's response to their recent request for porta-potties.  Something like:  "Oy Vey.  Are you people insane?"

Do you think I'm just a tad peeved?  Yep.  I also have felt the sting of financial losses, cringed as the cost of my utilities crept up and am not all giddy about our bank fees.  Yet, I didn't get the memo on how someone should "forgive" my credit card debt.

The John Philip Sousa routine is getting old, too.  The inconsiderate and constant banging of a drum outside someone's office building just makes me think they have absolutely nothing of value to contribute to society.  We are not talking Buddy Rich here.  Take the sticks away from these people!

Or, how about a woman with a degenerative spine condition being forced to walk further to an alternate door of her office building, because the building management found it necessary to protect their vendors with locked doors, just so these idiots wouldn't "occupy" the facilities.

All the 99 percent are showing is a total lack of courtesy, respect and musical talent.  They are occupying beautiful green spaces, which are becoming dry, dirty and smelly.

Speaking of smelly, I think a little sponge and spritz would help us all to peacefully co-exist in these difficult times.  May I suggest the lovely scent of Morning Breeze?

Filed under: Kelly's Vent-i-lation

Tags: Occupy This!


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  • Most of us 99%ers have grown tired of the occupy movement. We get it, times are tough, especially for the slacker occupiers that continue to expect handouts from the 1%ers that are currently supporting and financing their unproductive lifestyle. Time for a new mission, it's called Move On. At occupy movements across the country, we only see 1% of the movement through the media. We only see protesters in hand cuffs, a few cardboard signs, and the extra police protection(that I'm paying for) controlling the occupy mob.
    We don't see the other 99%. The muddy, trampled, trash strewn parks that will need to be reseeded and cleaned next spring. The stores and retailers that are unwilling hosts of the occupy mob. Paying customers are avoiding these stores in an effort to steer clear of the occupy mob. I'd could go on and on, but it's time to pay my taxes, pay a few utility bills, support a local retailer, and maybe take a walk in an unoccupied park.

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    Couldn't have said it better myself, thanks for a great rant. From one small biz owner to another, well done.

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