Whether you have been working out up until the end of 2012 or promising to visit the gym in the first few weeks of 2013, we welcome you back! But please stop doing stupid things in the gym. Gym managers, owners and trainers cannot believe how some people just do the dumbest and rudest things in the gym. Now there are two categories of stupid things I am going to address: 1.) things that are just rude, and 2) the most foolish workout habits.
It’s Just Rude:
- Don’t blow your nose in your towel and then throw your towel on the ground or a bench. Do not reuse it, do not wipe down any piece of equipment with it. Get rid of it and use a Kleenex next time.
- If you know you are a sweater and you have dripped all over a piece of equipment, clean it up. It isn’t about your germs. Everyone leaves germs behind, but it is gross and not safe. Dry the equipment. And, yes do it on every piece of equipment you use.
- When someone is standing close to the mirror watching their movement while clearly doing an exercise, do not keep walking in front of them. Go around. The only exception is if you need to rack your weights immediately, exactly where they are standing. Otherwise, you could just wait. Even a set of 12 reps takes about 30 seconds.
- If your gym has a standard 6-foot bench, you do not need to hog the whole thing. Your crap does not need to be spread across the entire bench.
- When you are naked in the locker room use a towel or one of your own personal items to sit bare-bottomed on the bench. And please don’t straddle the bench naked. If this is the only way you know how to put on underwear, I encourage you to practice at home another method. There are many clever ways to slide your underpants on without your privates ever touching the actual locker room bench.
- Say hello and good-bye to the people working the front desk. Check in like you are supposed to. Don’t scam and try to skip by without being noticed. It’s a total dick move.
- If you knock over your muscle milk or water bottle (it happens), clean it up properly and let the front desk know. Don’t grab the entire box of tissue and drop sheets on the floor, as if it magically soaks it all up and then throws itself away in the garbage. If you do not have a towel you can use to begin the clean up process, ask the front desk for some rags. Return to the scene of the accident (which is no biggie BTW), and offer to help. If they cordially, say do not worry about it (which they most likely will), because they will clean it up, say thank you.
- If you just smoked right before you walked into a gym, remember that everyone can smell it. It really does suck for people exercising that you have dragged this smell and the lingering smoke scent that is on your clothes into the gym. You need to find a way to cleanse your clothes.
Stupid Things People Do at the Gym:
- Do not begin your workout with bicep curls. This is a clear sign you have no idea what you are doing. The ‘gun show’ will not come with an endless number of bicep curls. Start your training with multi-joint movements. Squats, lunges, leg press, something hard that will serve your whole body. If you can’t think of anything else, ask for help.
- So you are into large muscle group exercises. Me too. Leg press is a great way to start out your core workout. But do not load a leg press with a dozen plates, do a couple of reps, slam and rack, and then walk away. Take your own f**king plates off the press. Gym employees are not your mama, put your own toys away!
- Hey! Tom Cruise, Don’t wear your sunglasses when working out. It’s not Venice Beach.
- We all have clumsy moments. But if you are running on the treadmill and drop something, like your ipod, iphone or water bottle, STOP while FACING FORWARD, GRIP the HANDRAILS, THEN STEP OFF and TURN AROUND. Say it again to yourself.
STOP while FACING FORWARD
GRIP the HANDRAILS
THEN STEP OFF and TURN AROUND
Although someone will get a good chuckle out it, no one wants to see you get hurt. And, you certainly do not need more reasons why you can’t workout for awhile.
- I understand that most gyms are limited in space. It is great when there is a designated AB and flexibility area, which is separated from the functional/dynamic training space. But in many gyms this space is shared. If you are about to do plyometrics, kettlebell swings or sand bags throws, do not do it next to someone laying on the floor stretching or doing crunches. First, they don’t need your crotch lowering down over their head, and second, they were there first. You shouldn’t be swinging or slamming anything close to a person lying on the ground. Negotiate the space by either asking if they could move over or keep yourself busy doing something else and hold off a few minutes. You could always hang out in a plank.
- If your workout sounds resemble porn sounds effects, tape your mouth shut. I can tolerate a few grunts here and there, but seriously, no one needs to hear that. This is another thing you can practice at home before doing it at the gym.