Have you ever experienced a time in your life where your back was against the wall? Where your options dwindled from scarce to non-existent; your Plan B's disappeared; your last possibility was no longer possible and your backup plan wasn't able to back you up? If this is you, you are no different than many individuals who have found themselves in a 'how did I get here, this is not supposed to be me' moment.
What's worse about experiencing a difficult situation is finding out which of your friends really have your back. So how can you tell if your 'friend' really is not supportive of you when you are experiencing a difficult time in your life, well look for her to say the following:
1. Girl, you will be alright: If after confiding in your friend about your situation she responds with this statement without helping you figure out any resolutions then perhaps she isn't concerned about the outcome of your decisions.
2. Girl, you will figure it out: There is no doubt in your mind that you will figure this out, just as you have figured it out before, and have helped other friends figure it out. But every now and again you would just like for your friends to help you when you feel helpless.
3. Girl, well maybe if you wouldn't have done that in the first place: There is a time and place for real-talk when it comes to your friend. However, that time is not when she is in the middle of chaotic times. Your friend should not be overcritical, condescending, or judgmental as if she has never experienced a difficult situation.
4. Girl, before you ask I don't have it: Your friend doesn't have what? If your friend equates money to solve your problems then she might be wrong. Perhaps, you just need a listening ear, a caring heart, a concerned friend that you can vent to and talk your frustrations out with.
5. Girl, why don't you just do it the way I said you should do it: Before you go to offer your suggestions to your friend ask yourself is it something you would do if you were in that situation. Don't throw out opinions and options that are not feasible or unrealistic for your friend. Be sensitive to her situation.
6. Girl, when I went through something similar: If you have never experienced the exact same situation that your friend is in then leave certain comments to yourself. Also, if you have never experienced a difficult time and have been fortunate enough to always have someone to bail you out then you can't understand what your friend is going through.
The bottom line is this, part of being a real friend is being supportive. When your friend is going through a difficult time don't bail on her. Call her and check-in on her to see how she is doing. See if you can offer her any assistance. No, everything isn't financial. But this is the time she is counting on you and counting to see how many real friends she has.
So if you can't offer her money, good advice, an ear to listen, or a shoulder to cry on, at least be willing to lend your hands to pack her boxes. If not, don't be surprised when she moves on and you don't get her new address! Just Saying...
To get pointers on how to be a better friend check out a copy of "The Better Than Best Friend Guide: Becoming The Friend You Need Her To Be" awarded Finalist in Women's Issues category from the National Indie Excellence Awards. Available at amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com.
Tags: 'The Go-To Girl for Girlfriends', Difficult Times, friends, Girlfriends, National Indie Excellence Book Awards, Offering Support, The Better Than Best Friend Guide: Becoming The Friend You Need Her To Be, women