Disclaimer: I like many women have had my fair share of clown a@% moments. This is not a 'gang-up on one woman bash'. This is not a soap-box or high-horse production. This is simply a Public Service Announcement to women that call themselves friends to other women, um-kay!
Several weeks ago a sex-tape was 'leaked' to the public. The tape contained circus-defying acrobatics performed by Mimi Faust from Love and Hip Hop ATL. Her boyfriend Nikko Smith also starred in the video but seemed to be overshadowed by the now infamous 'curtain rod'. This tape admittedly has provided anticipated great ratings for the upcoming season premiere of Love and Hip Hop ATL. It has also stirred up great topics of conversation and debates from Mimi being too old to be swinging from a shower rod to how embarrassed Mimi should be for playing herself by making a tape. But neither here or there, what if Mimi's friends would have gotten to her first, before the 'tape' was created and leaked? Or to put it another way, do YOU as a friend justify your friend's actions when she is in the wrong, or dead wrong? Would your reasons be along the lines of this?
- Comparing Bad Apples to Bad Apples: "What my friend did is no worse than what some other people have done." While this statement might be true and your friend has done no worse, she also has done no better. Everyone knows the whole jumping from the bridge story. No matter how old one gets they can still succumb to peer pressure. What you are saying as her friend, is that her actions are completely justifiable because others have done it. Well, ask yourself this, do you want to see your friend do better or do worse?
- Don't Quote Me On This: "I have no comment on what my friend did." How many can honestly admit that this statement is far from truth? While you might not be bold enough to tell your friend about how you really feel about what she did. Instead you talk behind her back to your other friends about how 'bogus' she really is. Ask yourself this, are you really providing your friend a true service by being a passive friend--one who is so afraid of losing her friend she doesn't say anything at all, and acts as if she is in agreement with everything that her friend does. Well, you know the quote that says if two people agree then one isn't needed.
- If You Don't Pay Her Bills: "My friend is making money so whatever she has to do, that is her business." There is ABSOLUTE truth in this statement. For the outsiders if you aren't contributing to the bottom line then you should have nothing to say. However, when you are a real friend it is your obligation to state your concerns if you feel like what your friend is doing to make money can potentially ruin her character or sabotage her reputation. Yes money is a great motivator, but if your friend is using all of that money to pay for therapy sessions for her or her children, this becomes a lose-lose situation.
- She's Trending: "My friend's pictures, blogs, and personal business is blowing up on social media." Everyone knows her name. And while your friend might be a trending topic of today so are other natural disasters. Don't let your friend sell-out for 'likes'. Don't let her fall prey to voyeurs. While you and your friends might have many 'tape' worthy performances, those type of experiences are not for everyone to experience. It's not about being prude. There are some women that secretly know they can run circles around that shower scene, but you wouldn't know it because they were conscious enough not to broadcast their business.
- Do You Promise To Tell The Truth: "My friend can do what women half her age can do." Really (side-eye)? This can be the biggest set-up and epic failure one friend can do to the next friend. Stop sending your friend off. When are you going to be the responsible, loving, and caring friend that doesn't want to see her friend hurt by outsiders. You can start by saying, "Girl, no harm and no shade, but you are too dang old to be doing (fill-in the blank)." This is not a moment for the friend who is secretly hating on her friends. But this moment is for the real friend who sees her friend about to make a fool out of herself, and she will risk her friendship by letting her friend know that she doesn't want her to go out of the world--backwards.
- That's Not My Business: "If my friend likes it, I love it." Question, if your friend walks out blindly into oncoming traffic and she is about to be hit by a bus, do you turn your head believing that the accident won't happen? Do you give her fair warning that she is walking into a dangerous situation? There are things in your friend's life that will be her business, and there will be times in your friend's life where it will be your business to intervene. This doesn't mean treating your adult friend as a child, but this means being concerned enough about your friend to say, "hey maybe you should reconsider this" or "I really don't want to see your hurt" or "I don't want to dictate who you love but something seems to be a little off about him." Don't be the friend that can sleep at night knowing that her friend is being dogged out by another individual. If you have spoken your piece, you have done enough.
- M.I.M.I.M.C.: "I'm not responsible for my friend, she is a grown woman." This statement is so far from the truth. If you are not responsible for YOUR friend, then who is? The women that you know don't like her? The individuals who don't know she even exists? The family members who have disowned her? The co-workers that have tried to sabotage her? The ex that tried everything in his power to destroy her? I'm waiting...The answer is, YOU! Don't Mimic 'MY-IMMEDIATE-MEMBERS-IN-MY-CIRCLE'. To mimic is to be bogus, fake, sham, synthetic, not genuine, or not real. Is that the type of friend you want to be known as? Who is your friend's keeper? Who is responsible for you? The immediate members in your circle whom you call friends.
The bottom line is this, it takes a powerful and strong woman to be a great friend. Your positive influence can be enough to help shape your friends into being the very best women they can be. Your presence can be felt even when you aren't around. Your intuition can pick up on when your friend is playing the part of being happy when she utters, "I'm a happy type of b@@$^." You will reocgnize immediately that something isn't right and you will swoop in to save her. If you have doubt that you are this strong of a woman when it comes to her friends I have one piece of advice, "you can change your friends or you can change your friends." Just Saying!
If you would like to read more about how you can become a better friend please join me at Ravens Place, 13031 S. Western in Blue Island on Sunday, April 27th from 5 to 8PM to purchase a copy of my latest book, "The Better Than Best Friend Guide: Becoming The Friend You Need Her To Be." The cost is 14.95 (cash only please). There will be light deserts served, free raffles, and a contest for the hottest shoes! If you can't make it hardcopies are available at www.amazon.com and www.barnesandnoble.com. Thank you for your support!