The first few dates with someone are exciting but they can also be nerve- racking. You may be struggling with deciding what to wear, what to talk about and how to increase the chances that there will be subsequent dates. Many experts and friends alike advise to just relax and have fun during the preliminary stages of dating. Dating should be fun but during the first few dates you should also be focusing on gathering information to determine if your date is compatible with what you are looking for. Many singles make the mistake of spending each date discussing food, entertainment and the weather.
While it’s nice to have things in common with your partner, liking the same bands is not essential to having a successful relationship. Here are 10 questions you should be able to answer about your date before considering making any kind of commitment. It would be wise to find out the answers to all of these questions by the end of your third date so that you don’t waste your precious time on someone who may not be compatible with what you are seeking.
1. What is your date’s real age?
Women are not the only ones that lie about their age, men do it too. If you are considering someone for a long-term relationship you should know all of their vital statistics including his or her age. Be gentle when asking this question so not to offend.
2. What is your date’s family background and place of origin?
Find out which country your date is from and where his or her parents were born. Does your date still follow the customs of that country? Do those customs and rituals clash with your own? If your date was born in the same country as you what city is he or she from? Did your date grow up in an urban area or a rural atmosphere? Did he or she grow up as an only child or with siblings? Are your date’s parents still married, if not which parent was your date raised by? All of these circumstances shape the person that you are considering pursuing a relationship with. Don’t commit to a stranger, learn as much as you can about how your date grew to become the person that he or she is today.
3. What is your date’s current job title and where does he or she hope to be in the future?
What a person does for a living can say a lot about who they are. Find out if the lifestyle required by his job meshes with your lifestyle. Does he have to work over night shifts? If so how frequently? Is the work that she does life threatening or dangerous? Can you handle that level of stress? Does your date’s job require frequent travel? How do you feel about that? Is wealth most important to him or is he more concerned with work/life balance? How do your date’s goals complement or conflict with yours? It’s important to know where your date is now and where he or she is headed in the future so you can know if you want to go along for the ride.
4. How many serious relationships has your date had in the past and why did they end?
It is often advised not to bring up past relationships on a date with someone new. This advice is only partially correct. Past relationships shouldn’t be discussed on the very first date but before you get too emotionally invested you should learn about your date’s past. Has he or she ever been in love before? Why did those previous relationships end? Does your date blame all of the failures of the past on the other person or does your date take some responsibility? The things your date says about past relationships can give you insight into patterns he or she has in interpersonal relationships. Your date will probably treat you very similarly to how he or she treated past mates. Make sure you gather some information about the past before you decide if you want a future.
5. What are your date’s expectations for a future relationship?
You should find out if you and your date are on the same page as to what you are looking for. How relationship minded is your date? Is he or she just looking to play the field or is your date ready to settle down? If your date says that he is just looking for something casual or if she says she is just looking for new friends but doesn’t want a commitment believe these comments to be true. It’s best not to go into something trying to change someone’s mind about what he or she is looking for. It will save you from wasting your time if you date people looking for the same level of commitment that you are.
6.What are your date’s views on gender roles?
Does your date believe that all men are cheaters or that all women are gold diggers? Find out what your date truly feels about the opposite sex. Does your date believe a woman’s place is in the home? Are you willing to take the role as homemaker if things get serious? Does your date believe that the man should always pay for dates? Are you willing to pick up the tab every time? Does your date view one gender as superior? What are your date’s views on chivalry? What about feminism? Make sure your date’s views on gender are in line with your personal views.
7. What is your date’s philosophy on life?
Does your date see the glass half full or half empty? Does he believe it’s him against the world? Does she believe the world revolves around her wants and needs? Is your date committed to improving the lives of others? Does your date want to live a life of material abundance or does he prefer a life of simplicity? You should know if you and your date have similar values and world views before investing too much time in each other.
8.What is your date’s religious background and current belief system?
Was your date raised with religion? If so, which religion and which denomination? What are your date’s current religious beliefs? Does your date believe there is one God, multiple gods or no God at all? Does your date worship alone or with a congregation? How often does your date worship? Does he or she prefer to be with someone with similar religious beliefs? If you and your date clash on religious and spiritual issues it can cause discord throughout the entire relationship. Figure these issues out early on.
9.What are your date’s political leanings?
It is not necessary to agree on every political issue in order to have a successful relationship but there are certain things you should agree on. What are your date’s views on abortion? Would it be a viable option if the two of you had an unwanted pregnancy? Does your date approve of other forms of contraception, if so what kinds? What are your date’s views on the right to bear arms? Does he or she own guns? How do you feel about that? You should explore your date’s views on any other political issue that is particularly important to you.
10. What are your date’s views on people with different lifestyles or ethnic backgrounds?
If you and your date have wildly different opinions on race, class or sexuality it could cause conflict. Find out what is your date’s general opinion of people who are of a different race? Is your date tolerant of people with different religious beliefs? How does your date feel about affirmative action? What about same sex marriage? Does your date believe that the United States is superior to all other countries? Or does he or she have an allegiance to a different country? How does your date feel about those who are less fortunate? Does your date resent the top 1%? It is wise to find out about your date’s prejudices early on so that you can make a well reasoned decision on if he or she is the right person for you.
On the first few dates try to keep your nerves at bay by not worrying too much about trying to impress your date but instead focus on getting to know the person you are with. Try not to be overly flattered by your date’s compliments and don’t become prematurely attached because the two of you love the same sports team. Get to know what kind of person your date is and if he or she is the kind of person you want to continue to invest time and energy in. While getting to know your date remember to enjoy yourself and the person you are with even if you realize that it is not the perfect match. Each date is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what you are looking for. Make the best of each interaction. Happy Dating!
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