Today

A first cursory check of my i phone brought me news of a friend's father's death.  He was a prince; she is an angel. He was ill- that doesn't matter.  Death will miraculously restore him to vitality, the invalid will soon be forgotten.  The mourning is for the healthy, wonderful father, not the patient.  For a moment there is cause for celebration....he is free, suffers no more....rest in peace.  Then loss intervenes.  And overcomes. I know this process, and I know my friend.  She will fortify all her family, and she will heal.  But she will suffer.  That is the price for having love and blessings in our life.

At noon, Roger called to say Steve's brother was dead.  He was found at home, crumpled on the floor.  He was the yin to Roger's yan.  Roger provided structure for Rick, and Rick proffered the basics of human kindness:  food, comfort, company. They had synergy, Roger said, when I offered my inadequate condolences. He was brave.  I was befuddled.  Rick was only 52.  He never had the joy of bouncing his nephew.  Had no wife, no kids- just Roger.  There will be a void for Steve's Dad, and navigation of all sorts of grief. Logistical rearrangements.  Chaos.   Legal considerations.  Too much for an 82 year old Roger to juggle.

Steve packed.  He flew away.  Our kids rallied about, offering their own kindness. After Steve departed, we went to a dive bar, had dinner.  Hugged goodbye. Sent love and pictures to Steve, living large on a Virgin flight with wifi.  Then we spun out to the corners of our lives, in progress.

At 7, news reached me that a friend of mine had returned home to discover her daughter, stabbed and dying. It looked like a home invasion.  What material object would seduce a person to cause grave harm to a 14 year old?  How can these parents go forward? If I felt like a plastic bag had descended upon my head, how could this Mom and Dad breathe?  I am beyond comprehension of this evil.

Sometimes the disorder in the universe defies our best efforts to understand life .  I cracked open a pinot noir, hoping to obscure my sad rage. No luck.  I am sadder and madder.

It was a bad day.

Tomorrow will be better, I expect; life cannot be more cruel than it was today.  The climb out of this pit will require more than a good vintage. Prayer might be a start, but it is hard to summon the purity of faith at the moment.  Paradoxically, this is the time where faith might guide me from this abyss.  So I will pray for faith for me...and peace for my friends and loved ones who will start tomorrow in despair.

As insurance, I will finish the bottle.  Hangover or not, tomorrow will be a new day.

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  • Janet,
    I am so sorry, yesterday will be a day you will long remember. I lost my sister 10 years ago at the age of 51, it was such a shock, but you are correct in saying that life will go on. This is a time that we thank God, for family, and faith.
    My heart breaks over the tragic loss of you friends 14 year old daughter, this is a pain I can not comprehend.
    Life is fragile, you will be in my prayers.

  • Be strong Janet. Your family will need that. My condolences to everybody involved. I will pray for you and your family. Best advice someone every gave me about times like this is to get in the storm cellar and let the storm pass. You are not in controll of it, the best you can do is reide it out and try not to make it any worse. Take care

  • Janet, I am so sorry for all of your losses. It is said that "death =r bad news comes in 3's but yours came all in one day. I am sorry to hear of Steve's brother but most sorry for Roger. I have to say that of all the deaths, I am most said about the young girl. She never had a chance to live. So sad.

  • Terrible, terrible news. When bad things happen or there is inexplicable evil and God seems absent, I try to resist the urge to question God because I can never understand God. I trust that He is a just God and things will work out to His purpose in His time. I would never want God to be so simple that I could even begin to understand Him. That would be scary. Death, sadness, and evil exist on earth because they DON'T exist in Heaven. My condolences and prayers to all.

  • Janet, I'm so sad about all this news. My heart aches for your family and the others affected by these losses, but it is broken by the tragic and inexplicable murder of a young woman. Life sometimes seems cruel beyond our ability to fathom. All we can do at those times is hope and pray for the souls of those lost and the healing of those who remain. Please know that there are many of us doing that now.

  • Oh My God. That is madness. There is no comprehension.

    We are all sending you positive energy. I hope you feel it.

    You have given all of us so much throughout the years. I don't know that I would've fallen for Steve without you.

    Do everything you can to maintain your sanity. Seek comfort in your family. Hold Henry. Realize how many lives you have and continue to touch.

    And maybe that Rosary will help.

    Thinking of you and your family.

  • So very sorry for the losses of your family and friends. I am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way

  • fb_avatar

    Sorry for your losses ,our prayers go out to and Steve.

    Bill & Deb >

  • I am so sorry for your losses....................I feel strange my golden dog Malibu of almost 13 years has been diagnosed with bone cancer.No surgery here but I have been crying for two days trying to figure out when......well I will see her in the next life.

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