Super Bowl champion quarterback Russell Wilson isn't "black enough" according to unnamed sources and some of his unnamed Seattle Seahawk teammates. Reading these reports and knowing that this accusation has been made about other popular black athletes and entertainers including golfer Tiger Woods and actress Stacey Dash, it made me wonder. Am I "white enough."
Since we are all created equal, the "black enough" status shouldn't be an unfounded accusation limited to black people. Rather, as a white person, I need to determine if I'm white enough as well. In all fairness, no one has accused me of not being white enough, but let me beat them to the punch and make that determination myself.
So, what is the appropriate criteria for determining if someone is "white enough?" There may be many other thoughts on the matter, but I'll come up with my own unscientific survey and try to make a fair assessment.
1. Can I dance?
A: No = White enough
2. Do I drive a Prius?
A: No, I drive a Jeep Wrangler = not white enough
3. Am I training for a marathon; do I desire to run in a marathon; or do I incessantly talk about training for or running in a marathon?
A: No, never, not a chance = not white enough
4. Have I ever rock climbed, bungee jumped, dirt biked or jumped out of an airplane with a parachute on?
A: No, no, no and no = not white enough
5. Can I jump more than 4 inches off the ground
A: No = White enough
6. Do I listen to WGN radio?
A: No, does anyone? = not white enough. And, by the way, every face in every photo on the wgnradio.com website is white and all of the show hosts are white too.
7. Do I wear cargo shorts when the temperature drops below 50 degrees F?
A: No = not white enough
8. Hockey fan?
A: Absolutely = White enough
9. Do I chew tobacco or dip?
A: Never = not white enough
10. Do I like craft beers?
A: No, sorry but I like Budweiser = not white enough
11. Do I have a Starbucks app on my smartphone?
A: Of course I do = White enough
12. Do I think I'm a good basketball player?
A: I could be a pro if I was a little taller = White enough
13. Have I gone snowboarding?
A: Duuuuude, no= not white enough
14. Do I like country music?
A: Helllll yeaahhh -- Zac Brown Band buddy = White enough
15. Do I like to eat barbecue ribs?
A: Yes, but this is not cut and dried. The classic white person likes their ribs soft and falling off the bone. I like rib tips that take work to gnaw at and get full value. Therefore = not white enough
16. Did I vote for Barack Obama?
A: I admit nothing less = White enough
A close vote, but at 9-7, I'm not white enough. Someone call Marshawn Lynch.
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