Help! I'm Addicted to Lindsay Lohan

When I sign on to my computer at work, my internet home page is MSN.com.  I would imagine that the same is true for many people, or they sign on to Yahoo or AOL (is that still around?) or the Chicago Tribune or maybe even ChicagoNow.  The point is you have to pick something or, in my case, the system defaults to our office's in-house intranet.  Thanks, but I see enough work-related content the other 10 or more hours a day that I'm working that I need a real-world break every now and then.

With that said, I want to confess to my addiction.  It is painful to admit and I have tried to rehab out of it, but I just can't kick it.  I am addicted to Lindsay Lohan.  Yes, sadly, my friends have referred to me as a Liloholic.  I'm not proud of the situation, but at least I admit the problem exists and that's half the battle.

My addiction to Lindsay Lohan began several years ago, coinciding with the first time her picture graced the cover of Us Weekly magazine or at least the first time I noticed it.  At that time, I was obsessed (not addicted) with Us, reading it every chance I got in the grocery store, Walgreen's or at the news stand. 

I learned a very valuable trick from my daughter who used to go grocery shopping with me before she moved to New York to work for a national restaurant company.  (When she moved to New York, she was suffering from a Twitter addiction - clearly these things run in the family - but I think she has now kicked it and moved on to Pinterest.)  Anyway, she taught me that you should grab the Us Weekly  from the rack at the checkout when you walk into the store and then have the entire magazine read, easily, by the time you pay for your groceries.  Most people make the mistake of picking up the magazine when they're in line to pay and try to jam it back into the rack when it's time to dig through your belongings to find the credit card.  If you learn nothing else from this post, you can now change your Us Weekly habits (also works with Enquirer, People, Star, etc.) 

  Lilo.

I know it makes no sense, but, I'm addicted.  I don't know why.  Everytime she's in the news, I have to check it out.  Last week, there was a story about how she ran into a guy crossing the street, but the police are saying that he is making the story up.  But, that's just the latest.  I'll try to recap with a semblance of a greatist hits list:

*  Affair with Samantha Ronson (a decent hotness factor for girl on girl fantasies)

*  Drunk driving arrests (not hot, just stupid)

*  Accusations of stealing jewelry (more stupid)

*  Addictions, rehab, more rehab

*  Multiple court appearances

Lindsay was also involved in a car accident in California this summer that sent her and an assistant to a hospital, but didn't result in serious injuries for anyone.  In May, she was cleared of allegations that she struck a Hollywood nightclub manager with her car.

That's not all, Lindsay is still on probation for taking a necklace from a jewelry store "without permission" last year.  (I think you only get permission if you pay for it.)   She doesn't have to report to a judge any more since she completed her counseling and morgue cleanup duties.  She will only go to jail if she gets arrested again.  Well, that may change soon enough. 

Just today, accusations of an assault in a New York hotel over the weekend that may be the best of all.  Lindsay claimed that she was assaulted in her Manhattan hotel roomearly Sunday morning by a mean she met at a night club according to police.  Supposedly, she got into an argument with the man that she brought back to her hotel room over photos the man took of Lindsay on his cell phone.  After she took his phone, the "assailant" purportedly threw Lindsay on the bed and climbed on top of her (I'll bet he did).  The story then went on where there was a second confrontation, Lindsay pulled the hotel fire alarm and the man ran out of the hotel.

After he was identified and taken into custody, the police decided today not to press charges.

So, why am I addicted?  There are other celebrity train wrecks out there.  This one though has so many elements to it that I think it is impossible not to be interested.  Her father has been in prison.  Her mother is a mess - just revisit her interview on the September 17 Dr. Phil show where she said, among other things, "If she was living in New York, five of them would be obsolete." - when Dr. Phil recited a list of Lindsay's substance-abuse related arrests and rehab stints.  And Lindsay was once a child star.  Remember "The Parent Trap" remake.

That was, legitimately, an excellent movie, and my kids loved it.  I even watched it with them.  This, I think, is the root of my addiction.  I have watched Lindsay grow up from a child move star, to be the 26-year old wannabe star, looking for a comeback who now appears to be 40-plus rather than mid-twenties.  The drugs and nightlife have taken their toll for sure.  And, it appears that no one is looking out for her like parents should look out.

I have an idea:  My street-smart daughter who lives in New York has been trying to get a job in the entertainment industry.  She taught me how to read Us Weekly in the grocery store.  I'm sure she could teach Lindsay Lohan how to stay clean and out of trouble.  So Lindz, give her a call - she'll help you out.

 

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