Headbands Don't Work for Bald White Guys

Being bald is not as bad a stigma as it once was for men in America.  In fact, many men choose baldness even though they could grow a decent head of hair.  Instead, they would rather shave their head than go to the barber.  I fall into the category of choosing baldness, yes, but it is instead of having a horseshoe shaped ring of hair around my head with a few stray pieces of growth on top.

I made the bold bald move about five years ago and haven't been sorry about it at all.  I was on vacation in Florida at the time so I figured that, like young girls who used to be sent away to have babies and avoid the shame they would visit upon their families, I should shave my head bald away from anyone who knew me or my kids.  I wasn't married at the time or dating anyone so I figured it was an opportune time to enter the world of the skin head.  No shame to the kids, me or anyone else associated with me.

I haven't regretted going full-fledged chrome dome upon that first complete shave job.  Don't get me wrong, like most bald guys (I assume), I'd prefer a nice full head of hair.  But, this works for me now so I'm not complaining.

There is, however, a baldness-related issue that arises with the intense heat this summer - sweat.  Pouring down my face with nothing to stop it.  I do wear baseball caps, and they are now made with bands on the inside to absorb perspiration, but as much as I tend to sweat in the summer, all that moisture stains the bill of the cap.  And of course, you can't go outside with a stained cap.  My son tells me, "A sweat soaked hat shows a true lack of swag."

Swag or not, I work out four times a week and that's where the baldness and sweat really kicks in.  The only thing that I could think of to address the problem and avoid the stinging in my eyes, was a headband - like the tennis players wear.  Cool, full-head-of hair guys like Rafael Nadal and old school Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe.  So, I asked my wife how she thinks I'd look wearing a headband.  "You would look good.  Give it a try," she said naively.

I have always felt, though never conducted a self-test, that I would look like an idiot with a headband on or with a bandana tied around my head.  I have seen Lebron, Carmelo, and other athletes wear headbands and they look fine, even awesome.  I have seen Tupac with the ubiquitous bandana that he wore tied around his head and he looked awesome as well.  Notice the pattern?  No white guys.  Why do black guys look cool with shaved heads and headbands?

Does anyone remember Slick Watts of the old Seattle Supersonics?  One of the first NBA players to go with the bald head, headband look and it worked perfectly for him.  Has anyone seen a white guy in the NBA going skinhead, putting on a bandana and looking awesome?  Didn't think so.  (Although Steve Blake of the Lakers tried it last year - judge the results for yourself, but I think - "no.")

Well, I went to Sports Authority (alone) and bought an inexpensive white headband.  I went home, into the bathroom, tried it on (privately) and easily reached my conclusion.  A white, bald-headed man should not wear a headband.  Period. End of story.

The sweat will continue to drip down my head and my face.  I will continue to reach for my towel and sop it up, knowing I would look like a geek with a headband on.  And I will also continue to look over at the bald black guy working out at the same time with a headband and wonder why he looks awesome.

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  • I think the problem is you went with a white headband. I think you should try blue or green.

    Especially for workout purposes you should wear it. Why suffer through stingy eyes if you could easily prevent it. Cool or not.

  • In reply to Yoga Mom:

    Maybe I'll give the colored headband a try. Thanks.

  • Google Mike Bibby head band. Does it count that more than likely he's bi-racial. Nonetheless his skin tone represents a good example of bald white guy with head band. But then again if you work out four time a week and somebody's got something to say about the head band, they wont for too much longer!

  • Google Mike Bibby head band!

  • Do the ToughMudder race Nov. 20 Indiana. You'll get an orange headband that says you're badass. Who cares what it looks like if it says you're tough?

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