In order to overcome a problem the first step is admitting there is a problem. This requires a lot of courage (or we can just wait until they make an app for courage). At Internet Rehab we are committed in helping you face the reality that you are hopelessly addicted to the web, a slave to a synthetic collective mind. Thus, we have kindly produced a quiz that will indicate how out of control your life is:
1. What modern issue distresses you the most?
a. Global Warming
b. War in the Middle East
c. Corporate greed
d. Having five tabs open and not being able to find the loud, audio advertisement
2. What is your greatest fear for the future?
a. Not having a retirement fund
b. Growing old without a partner
c. Going without affordable health care
d. My wife suddenly getting behind my computer and realizing I didn’t clear the internet history
3. What is the best part of a vacation?
a. Relieving stress
b. Seeing friends and family
c. Visiting new places
d. Taking 200 pictures at the airport gate for my new Facebook album
4. What is the most crucial issue facing this nation?
a. The presidential election
b. The War on Terror
c. Finding clean energy
d. Getting rid of Timeline
5. What was the greatest insight in your life?
a. Anything learned in college that influenced my professional growth
b. The reality I can shape political events by being involved in the process
c. Common sense wisdom granted by my grandparents
d. That clitoris wasn’t a Pokémon
6. What would make you lose the will to live?
a. Realizing that God doesn’t exist
b. Finding out I have a terminal disease
c. Having my rights completely stripped by the government
d. Either the Instagram or World of Warcraft server being down for a long period (or both!)
7. Who is the greatest thinker in the last hundred years?
a. Stephen Hawking
b. Albert Einstein
c. Thomas Edison
d. Steve Jobs, and if you disagree I will effen ruin you!
8. What did you do after hearing that Neil Armstrong had passed away?
a. Felt a sense of sadness at the passing of a great hero
b. Reminded my family to be proud as a nation for our achievements
c. Watched in awe some old video clips of the first moon landing
d. Don’t know who he is, but I just added him to my profile’s ‘people I admire’ in case my friends look
9. What do you do to make a better society?
a. I volunteer in a soup kitchen once a week
b. I donate to local charities
c. I give my time to animal shelters
d. I post links, sign online petitions, and send mass emails to causes I know nothing about and unfortunate places I’m glad I’ll never visit. What?
10. What is the greatest tragic event of our era?
a. September 11, 2001
b. Hurricane Katrina
c. The banking crisis of 2008
d. The day Pandora played a really crappy song while I was cutting chicken
If you answered d to any of the questions, you desperately need the assistance of Internet Rehab. If you did not pick d at all, you are probably lying to yourself and still need our program. The best course of action is to either contact one of our Nigerian customer representatives or simply subscribe to this blog.
Since this is a technology section, and keywords matter more than content, it is better to mention the continuous crusade of Apple against Samsung. Does this affect your life in any way? No, because the following image reveals that the ultimate verdict against humanity was reached a long time ago:
Part of this article’s research
ripped off from kindly provided by memegenerator.net