Quiz: Are you addicted to the internet?

Quiz: Are you addicted to the internet?
Cum on feel the Droid!

In order to overcome a problem the first step is admitting there is a problem. This requires a lot of courage (or we can just wait until they make an app for courage). At Internet Rehab we are committed in helping you face the reality that you are hopelessly addicted to the web, a slave to a synthetic collective mind. Thus, we have kindly produced a quiz that will indicate how out of control your life is:

1. What modern issue distresses you the most?
a. Global Warming
b. War in the Middle East
c. Corporate greed
d. Having five tabs open and not being able to find the loud, audio advertisement

2. What is your greatest fear for the future?
a. Not having a retirement fund
b. Growing old without a partner
c. Going without affordable health care
d. My wife suddenly getting behind my computer and realizing I didn’t clear the internet history

3. What is the best part of a vacation?
a. Relieving stress
b. Seeing friends and family
c. Visiting new places
d. Taking 200 pictures at the airport gate for my new Facebook album

4. What is the most crucial issue facing this nation?
a. The presidential election
b. The War on Terror
c. Finding clean energy
d. Getting rid of Timeline

5. What was the greatest insight in your life?
a. Anything learned in college that influenced my professional growth
b. The reality I can shape political events by being involved in the process
c. Common sense wisdom granted by my grandparents
d. That clitoris wasn’t a Pokémon

6. What would make you lose the will to live?
a. Realizing that God doesn’t exist
b. Finding out I have a terminal disease
c. Having my rights completely stripped by the government
d. Either the Instagram or World of Warcraft server being down for a long period (or both!)

7. Who is the greatest thinker in the last hundred years?
a. Stephen Hawking
b. Albert Einstein
c. Thomas Edison
d. Steve Jobs, and if you disagree I will effen ruin you!

8. What did you do after hearing that Neil Armstrong had passed away?
a. Felt a sense of sadness at the passing of a great hero
b. Reminded my family to be proud as a nation for our achievements
c. Watched in awe some old video clips of the first moon landing
d. Don’t know who he is, but I just added him to my profile’s ‘people I admire’ in case my friends look

9. What do you do to make a better society?
a. I volunteer in a soup kitchen once a week
b. I donate to local charities
c. I give my time to animal shelters
d. I post links, sign online petitions, and send mass emails to causes I know nothing about and unfortunate places I’m glad I’ll never visit. What?

10. What is the greatest tragic event of our era?
a. September 11, 2001
b. Hurricane Katrina
c. The banking crisis of 2008
d. The day Pandora played a really crappy song while I was cutting chicken

If you answered d to any of the questions, you desperately need the assistance of Internet Rehab. If you did not pick d at all, you are probably lying to yourself and still need our program. The best course of action is to either contact one of our Nigerian customer representatives or simply subscribe to this blog.

Since this is a technology section, and keywords matter more than content, it is better to mention the continuous crusade of Apple against Samsung. Does this affect your life in any way? No, because the following image reveals that the ultimate verdict against humanity was reached a long time ago:

Part of this article’s research ripped off from kindly provided by memegenerator.net



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  • fb_avatar

    In the future, use words like spouse, so you wouldn't alienate half of your readers.

  • In reply to Rick Astor:

    In the future grow a thicker skin and understand what a general term means.

  • In reply to Rick Astor:

    Wives watching internet porn is like parents having sex-- it's just a fairy tale.

  • In reply to Rick Astor:

    Yeah, and try 'world' instead of country.
    This post should be called are you a married American male who is addicted to the internet and/or pornography?

  • In reply to NDBit:

    Because of one question? I must have gotten on the Politically Correct Crazy Train by accident...

  • I guess you can almost say I am "obsessed with the Internet," but on the other hand I sort of have to be. I make my living off it.

  • In reply to publiusforum:

    The food addiction analogy might be the closest. We need food to survive and we almost can't survive without the internet these days. You certainly can make a living from both food and internet, but when either takes over it will destroy you in more ways than one.

  • fb_avatar

    Who is Stephen Hawkins?

  • In reply to Barry Aquarius:

    Rats! I knew there was an extra 's' running around. Will fix it. Thanks!

  • fb_avatar
    In reply to Miguel Conner:

    Which now makes him Stephen Hawkin.

    I'm guessing you mean Stephen HawkinG? The theoretical physicist.

  • In reply to Barry Aquarius:

    Sigh. Yes. Typing with one hand and an infant in the other is not easy. And Dragon just hasn't worked.

  • I am definitely addicted to the internet. Internet is the way forward! On the other hand, I find it slightly terryfying. I was on my cruise, with no internet access available, it was a nightmare! On one of my shore excursions, I ended spending a few hours at the internet café. How sad!

  • At least #1d and #2d can be cured by using Firefox with Adblock, and setting the preferences to clear out all history after closing the session and using the cookie controls.

    Most of the rest can be avoided by avoiding FB.

    As far as the greatest thinker, I don't think Jobs and Woz would have a monitor into which to plug the Apple I if Edison hadn't invented certain electrical things first.

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