I identify as a gangster

I identify as a gangster

You have to love politicians. The world can be going to hell in a hand basket, nuclear war could break out any minute, the economy can be crashing.

What do these representatives of the people really care about? Who can use what bathroom, who's zoomin who, who can get married to who, and the rights allowed or prohibited to people who identify as something other than what they are.

If you are white, you can identify as black. If you are black you can claim to be something else, maybe Samoan. Men can be women, women can be men, and children can be whatever they or their parents want them to be.

A crowd of men who love women who love men
And women who love women every now and then
There are men who love men because they can't pretend
They are men who love women who love men

In the pursuit of true love's joy
Boys will be girls and girls will be boys
But sometimes it's hard to know what to do
When you don't know who you're talking to (Men Who Love Women Who Love Men/Steve Goodman)

It gets so confusing sometimes. People keep changing the definitions of identity, even what they demand to be called. This makes things difficult to keep up with. No one wants to be unintentionally offensive. Contrary to popular belief, we are a polite society.

Look, I do not care who you are, who you sleep with, or what body parts you added, subtracted, or rearranged. It really is none of my business. As long as you are a decent human being whatever floats your boat is your business.

As to morality and religion, I believe and do what is good for me and my soul. I do not preach or condemn. Only God can judge. From the way things are going we are safe from His judgement. God has been on vacation for quite a while.

An article in the Guardian caught my attention and brought everything into focus. "The men who live as dogs: 'We're just the same as any person on the high street'".

Pup play is men identifying as puppies. They dress in full puppy suits and act like puppies. Gamboling around, playing with squeaky, toys, eating out of bowls, being walked, and so forth.

In this day and age humans can identify as anything they want. Their identity must be accepted and tolerated. They all have unalienable rights that must be respected. There shall be no bias, discrimination, or hate.

In light of this, I gave some deep thought as to what I will identify as.

I identify as a gangster, a mobster. I prefer you call me sir or mister. Or else.

Being a gangster is better than being a Chicago Alderman. Heck, we own Chicago Aldermen.

Mobsters do whatever they want, whenever they want, where ever they want. Can't or won't is not in their vocabulary. If you value your health or life it better not be in yours.

I can use any bathroom I want. Who is going to stop me? If you say anything I will hurt you so bad it will take ten psychiatrists to put your mind back together again.

I can dress however I want. Just try to laugh at me. You will soon find out how nourishing teeth can be.

I have a constant stream of Tony Bennett, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Al Martino, and Mario Lanza playing in my head.

I love good music.

I don't see anything or say anything. I do not talk unless I have something to tell you. Like, give me the money.

As a gangster I demand to be accepted and tolerated. I fully expect the Department of Justice and the White House to come out against gangsterphobia and protect my rights to extort, intimidate, and perform acts of mayhem and murder. I will not be a second class citizen. I will not be offended, if you know what is good for you.

There shall be no laws prohibiting mobsters. The current laws on the books are hate laws and should be stricken. If I want to live the mob lifestyle, the government has no right to interfere. No one else does either.

Now I have to come up with a new name. Something catchy. Something that sings.

Pete the Shovel has a nice ring to it. That is what I will be known as. In the mobster tradition you would never call me that to my face. Better, you would never recognize me on the street. Do not say hello, good bye, howya dooin.

For the love of the vacationing God, never ever say "good seeing you". The last guy who did that got a beating so bad he was in traction for a year. That was the last time my brother saw or talked to me.

If men can be women, women can be men, whites can be black, blacks can be white, boys can be girls, girls can be boys, bros can be little ponies, and boys can be puppies, I can be a gangster.

Go ahead. Tell me I can't.

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