WHO, whoever that is, created a storm of controversy this week. They proclaimed cured, preserved, and processed meats, such as ham, bacon, sausages, and hot dogs, are hazardous to your health. Supposedly they cause cancer. They are allegedly as carcinogenic as cigarettes and asbestos. WHO also warned that red meat may be a carcinogen.
WHO does Who think they are?
WHO is who to tell us what food is bad? Why is WHO trying to deprive us of gustatory pleasure? Where does WHO get off attempting to take away our bacon, sausages, ham, lamb, beef, or pork?
How does WHO justify its claim that torturing and killing plants for food is healthier?
WHO is a sub-agency of the United Nations, a group that has been useless, feckless, and irrelevant over the past four decades. The UN has no real credibility. Why would any thinking person believe WHO?
Look, WHO, whoever you are, you can have my bacon, sausage, kielbasa, ham, beef, pork, lamb, goat, and other meats when you pry them from my cold dead maw.
That also goes for my salami, gyros, rillettes, blood sausage, and other preserved or processed delicacies.
I will gladly die with a braised lamb shank in one hand and a hunk of salami in the other. Keep your hands off my food you filthy WHO.
Leave my mortadella, copocollo, capicola, prosciutto, pancetta, bresaola, and guaniciale alone too. That also goes for my liver sausage and bologna.
WHO, you are full of baloney.
WHO, we are born for one reason and one reason only. To die. No one gets out alive. WHO, denying a dying person pleasure is cruel and unusual punishment. It is torture. Something against the precepts of the United Nations, your feckless parent.
This is Chicago, the Sausage City and the City of Big Pork Chops. Meat of all kind is in our DNA.
The Chicago motto is Urbem Abattoir.
If you want to see a rebellion, just try telling us we can't eat that Polish with grilled onions or put pepperoni on our pizza.
Those UN troops with their pretty blue helmets will be slaughtered in our streets if they try to take away our baked ham.
We will fight with all our might for our right to partake.
Try imposing martial law on healthy foods like split pea soup made with ham bone or smoked ham hocks. If you want to really see a human tragedy, try stopping me from making bacon jam.
By the way you WHO, Santa will be very upset. You will get nothing for Christmas, if you believe in Christmas. Your belief is doubtful since "dangerous" beef tenderloin with Yorkshire pudding is a holiday staple.
I leave Santa a bottle of Bourbon and bacon every year.
See what you will get with your lousy kale chips and mate. Hah!
Next, you will be telling us that booze is hazardous to our health. Maybe we should stop eating bread and cheese too, WHO.
Who appointed you, WHO, as the world's killjoy?
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