News to amuse

During the course of any week, there are news items that amuse. Here are a few of the stories from this week's news.


Starbucks Chairman and CEO, Howard Schultz, decided his mega-corporation should get into the race conversation business.

It is not enough that the company makes millions from gullible people selling mediocre coffee and second rate treats.

Schultz and his team created the #RaceTogether program to generate conversations about race between baristas and customers.

Great, give me a hot tip on a horse in the fifth and we can talk. Otherwise, take my money and #LeaveMeAlone. Here's an idea. Starbucks should put off track betting in its stores. That would stimulate conversations about race.

The Chicago mayoral election is finally heating up. Coming to life is more like it. Mild barbs are being thrown by Rahm Emanuel's apostles and the growing number of Jesus Garcia's disciples.

Photo: Chicago Tribune

What will Jesus do? What did Emanuel do? It is all irrelevant. Just look at the above image. These are great portrait shots. It is the expressions combined with the lighting that frighten. The candidates look more like creepy evil villains than benevolent dictators.

Who would want to have a beer with either of these guys? Both look like they would suck your blood out after they picked your pocket. Can you imagine one of these faces looming over you everywhere you go when the One Dear Leader is finally elected?

The School of the Art Institute of Chicago is awarding Kanye Kardashian, nee West, an honorary doctorate degree. Why? Because one of the people on the selection committee became giddy that Mr. Kardashian used the word "art" in an interview. This drove her to paroxysms of euphoria.

I am formally submitting myself for an honorary degree. "Art, art, art..."

Chicago Tribune/Scott Stantis

Soon to be former congressman, Aaron Schock, Peoria's body boy, apparently spent as much time with his hand in the granola jar as he did in the gym.

Schock resigned his congressional seat over misuse of campaign funds and expense accounts. Republicans are scrambling to keep him in the fold by suggesting new careers until his name is rehabilitated.

Late night television is always looking for young ripped good looking fellas to shill for exercise equipment and healthy cooking appliances.

Aaron Schock here for the Six Pack Ab Ripper...

Wait, there's more. As an added bonus, you will get my DVD, Booty Ooty Ooty of Iron ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!!

All orders will arrive with a complimentary issue of "Aaron Schock Lifestyle". You too can have a home that looks like an English manse. All this for just $37.37.

Operators are waiting. CALL NOW!" 1-800-six-pack. (Visa, Master Card,. Amex, and campaign contributions accepted.)

Al Capone Residence

"We're still dealing with Al Capone, even in 2015." (Chicago Tribune)

According to a Chicago Tribune article, Chicago is still struggling to get foreign tourists to visit. Though the numbers are up from previous years, they are not great.

Since Chicago is known for Al Capone, then there is only one solution. The city should buy the Capone home on the South Side and turn it into a tourist attraction.

The vacant lot next door is included with the property. A small museum could be built there to house Capone memorabilia. It could be narrative curated collection. It would be a boon for the Grand Crossing neighborhood.

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