Today I turn 62 years old. 10 should be my lucky number. Aside from myself, my mother and daughter were both born on the 10th of the month. Unfortunately, I was not born with a horseshoe up my keester. If I did not have bad luck, I would have no luck at all.
Life is supposed to be a journey, so some people say. In reality, we are on two journeys. From the day we are born until we reach our fifties, we are on the journey of life. Once late middle age sets in, we are on the journey of death. Everything starts going down hill. We are a flight of stairs, snow shovel, or stressful moment away from the chest grabber or heart-a-stroke.
We are supposed to learn things on our journeys of life and death. Learning is ongoing until you flat line. When you think you know everything, you are wrong.Everyday is a learning adventure. My curiosity is always piqued. There is never a dull moment in what is left of the fine mesh French sieve that is my mind.
Sometimes lessons came easy. Many times the hard way.
Here are some of the lessons I learned on my journeys through life on the road to death.
Life is messy. Sometimes it is a disaster area. No matter how bad life seems, it sure beats the alternative.
Never underestimate the value of a good bartender.
Everyday the feet hit the floor is a good day.
Never be shocked at the utter depravity, cruelty, and evil of human beings. Remember, live spelled backwards is evil.
Youthfulness is vastly underrated. Adulthood is vastly overrated. We lust to stay youthful while constantly complaining about being adults.
There is nothing that duct tape, WD 40, banging, or swearing up a blue streak cannot fix.
It is always shot-o-clock somewhere.
Nothing is too sacred to laugh at or ridicule. Life is too short to take seriously.
Benefiting from the kindness of strangers made me kinder to strangers.
All work is noble.
They name streets after many people. One Way and Dead End.
No matter how bad things get or how low you are, there are people worse off than you.
If you have a loaf of bread under each arm and a roof over your head, you really have nothing to complain about.
Wine cures just about anything. For severe cases, Bourbon, Scotch, gin, vodka, or rum, may be substituted.
Nothing in nature is perfect. You cannot achieve what does not exist. It is better to do everything with finesse.
My life is richer due to meeting and conversing with people from all over the world and all walks of life.
Dogs are really man's best friend. They are loyal, protective, and always happy to see you. They only want some love, petting, belly rubs, and biscuits. Always biscuits.
People will never lie if you do not ask them questions.
God is the Great Comedian. Children are God's joke. They are his contribution to insanity.
There is no good or bad food. There is only well prepared food and crap.
Life is about choices, good and bad. We benefit from the former and should learn from the latter.
There are no bad days. Some days are just better than others.
Do something creative every day. I do not know why. It just sounds good.
All politicians are liars. All liars are not politicians. Politicians give liars a bad reputation.
Life is full of saints and sinners. Saints may live a better life but sinners have more fun.
You cannot behave yourself and have a good time.
There are two kinds of people in this world. Givers and takers. Takers run faster.
Weather is always partly something with a chance of anything.
The worst thing in life you can be is ordinary.
Teenagers are a constant reminder of how stupid we really were.
Thank God for what you have. Ask God for what you want. Trust your bartender to give you what you need.
Silence is golden. Flapping your soup coolers can put you in prison or the trunk of a car.
Nothing in life is free. One way or another you will pay for it.
We are not always right or wrong. We are just different.
Girls are pretty. Women are beautiful. Men are_______.
Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. Unfortunately one of you is always behind the horse.
Last, but not least:
The older I get, the more religious I get. I have a priest and a rabbi. On my death bed they will both be there, along with an imam. I figure between the Jews and the Catholics, one of them has to be right. The imam? I want my shot at those 72 virgins.
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