City Hall is bugged. Alderman are scurrying around looking for answers. Where did the bugs come from, who planted the bugs, why can't anyone get rid of the bugs?
During a budget hearing this week, Alderman Brendan Reilly (42), interrupted the testimony of David Reynolds. Mr. Reynolds is the bureaucrat in charge of Fleet and Facility Management for the city. He is the head exterminator in charge, responsible for terminating bugs, vermin, and other critters who inhabit City Hall and other city buildings.
While Mr. Reynolds was testifying, the observant alderman noticed a rather large cockroach climbing the wall. He pointed it out to much laughter and the chagrin of Mr. Reynolds.
Alderman are terrified of bugs. They suffer from extreme cases of entomophobia. Even the word 'bug' causes heart palpitations, anxiety and panic attacks. In some cases it leads to hospitalization. Some suffer uncontrolled weeping and a strong desire to flee the area, or even the country.
This fear of bugs is not unwarranted or phobic, in the medical sense. Bugs have decimated the Chicago City Council. Bugs are responsible for causing severe acute reactions in alderman, bureaucrats, and others. Many have been placed in quarantine due to bug infestation. The fear, angst, and panic in aldermen is a healthy manifestation. It is survival at its crudest level.
Bugs have harmed more alderman in Chicago than Ebola killed in America.
Where did this particular large roach come from? How many more are crawling around?
Mr. Reynolds had no answers.
Bugs hear things. They transmit what they hear to humans. The humans then take what they hear and send aldermen, bureaucrats, and others off to prison.
In City Hall, the F.B.I. is referred to as the Federal Bureau of Infestation. Due to advances in technology, it is possible to create a bug that looks just like a bug. It crawls like a bug, scurries like a bug, can hang under ledges or crawl up walls like a bug, and, like a bug, its antennae can record things. Things aldermen and bureaucrats do not want recorded.
The only things aldermen fear as much, if not more than bugs, are rats. Rats are voluble vermin. They too put aldermen in prison. Some times the rats are infested with bugs, a double infestation which does even more harm.
Alderman are justified in questioning Mr. Reynolds about the City Hall bug infestation. Finding and terminating bugs is a never ending battle. It is a good bet, when they broke for lunch, there was discussion about putting counter bugging devices in Mr. Reynolds budget for next year.
Alderman know they cannot control rats. Chicago was named as the city with the most rats. Most can be found talking to F.B.I. agents, federal prosecutors, or testifying before grand juries and trial judges.
If you want to have some fun and amuse your friends, sidle up to your alderman. Whisper 'bug' in his ear. Watch and enjoy as he or she jumps and scurries away. Just like a cockroach.
Filed under: Uncategorized