Write your own obituary

Write your own obituary
Photo: Peter V. Bella

During the past year there were a few obituaries that went viral in the news media and on the Internet. They were written by family members or the deceased before he or she went to meet the Great Comedian.

The obituaries were humorous, interesting, and compelling.

Unless you are a well known person, lived a fascinating life, a member of commerce and industry, or someone pays for a few columns for you, your obituary will be boring. It will be technical. It will read just like the rest of the people who die in alphabetical order every day.

John Bland: John Bland, aged 98,  died of old age in Chicago. He was the loving husband of Dorthea (nee Boring ) who predeceased him in death, loving father of John (Hazel) and Joseph (Wanda). He was the loving owner of two dogs, five cats, and three parakeets. Services have been held.

You should write your own obituary. As life goes on you should add to it. Put in all the humorous anecdotes that made your life interesting and embarrassing. While you are at it, embarrass your family members, spouse (spouses), children, children you did not know you had, and even some of your friends and neighbors.

You could praise the people who meant the most to you and contributed to your life's journey. Your favorite bartender, for example.

If you are a veteran, you can write how you slogged through the war cleaning latrines and standing short arm inspection.

If you were a cop, you could write about your heroic exploits at donut shop grand openings or the near fatal paper cut you received pushing paper to keep the bosses happy.

Doctors and nurses could write a graph about their worst type of patient(s).

Attorneys can really get over writing about some of their more colorful and despicable clients.

Politicians should not write obituaries. Better to let the necrologists clean up their lifetime of lies.

Death should be a celebration of life. Who better to celebrate your life than you.

You and you alone should write your obituary. Do not leave this important chore to a family member, friend, or funeral director.

This should be done when you write your will and every time you update it. Keep it with all your important papers.

Maybe you should make a video. That would really be something. There you are coming back from the grave to haunt and taunt your loved ones, friends, enemies, and other ne'er do wells who invaded your life.

There are advantages to creating your own obituary. You will be remembered the way you want to be. The obituary may go viral, making you famous in death instead of one of the unknowns who die every day. If it does go viral or is funny enough, the media may run with it. That means you get it published for free. The only thing better than free is getting paid.

So, get cracking. Write your own obituary. Don't do it for your family, friends, or others. Do it for yourself. Remember the most important rule of life. After you everyone else comes first.


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