Last week the news media reported on a real crisis. A crisis that threatens the fabric of our way of life. A crisis that screams the urgency of now to resolve it.
There is a clown shortage. People are not choosing clowning as a career choice. Parents are not raising their children to become clowns.
It appears the clown shortage is worse than the Twinkie, Velveeta, and bacon shortages put together.
Even in this age of perpetual unemployment, few, if any, are choosing clowning as an alternative career. The over educated low information intelligentsia would rather become baristas.
This clown shortage may not be as severe as reported. Take Chicago, for instance. There is no shortage of clowns in our urban oasis. We have fifty alderman, the Cook County Board, and the Illinois legislators who supposedly represent the city. Then there are our United States congressmen and two senators. No shortage of clowns in Chicago.
On a national level, there are plenty of clowns. Piers Morgan comes to mind. If ever there was a perfect fit for clowning, it is the Brit nit wit, who is being showed the door by CNN.
Alex Baldwin is the epitome of clowning. He is the evil clown that drive coulrophobiacs to hide in the corner of their basements.
Then we have the sputtering and spitting Chris Matthews of MSNBC. He has the hair, face, and demeanor of a clown. A little red make up and he would be an instant circus success.
Keith Olbermann would be the star of the circus circuit. The man is a natural clown. It is what he was born to do.
Bob Costas, Matt Lauer, and Meredith Viera demonstrated their clown chops leading NBC's poor presentation of the Sochi Winter Olympics. With a little training and better make up they could be the Three Clowns of the circus world.
Ed Schultz, Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck lead the pack as the Three Stooges of clowning. If they ever got together the circus world would be changed forever.
Miley Cyrus would have a very successful career as a clown. Seeing as the entertainment media is predicting here star is fading, she should start thinking about a career change. Maybe she can hook up with Justin Bieber, another crashing star.
Something called a Kardasian, AKA Kimye, would be a perfect clown. It does not even need make-up or hair. It is clownish looking in and of itself.
Last, but not least, is Clark, the new Cub's mascot. The most ridiculous looking mascot ever created. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is for the boo hoo children. It is still ridiculous looking and belongs in the circus, following the elephants with a big broom.
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