Free vibrators for government G-Spots

Can the government shutdown could get any more ludicrous?

"Free Vibrators for Furloughed Federal Employees? Are you a federal employee that has been deemed non-essential? Do you have a little too much time on your hands and nothing to do? Is the recent government shutdown to blame?"

"Here at we are committed to allowing our customers to find satisfaction. As vibrator enthusiasts, we want everyone to experience the pleasure that a nice vibrator can bring to partners and individuals. Besides, we know you have some free time, why not try something new?" ( is offering 200 of the pleasure devices daily to laid off paper pushers. They sold out early on Monday. Like a contest, there are rules to qualify for your free Reidrubber, Boehnerbuzzer, or Obamabrator.

Free vibrators for government G-Spots. You just can't make this stuff up.

Maybe a new charitable trend will start if this shutdown goes on much longer and more clerks get laid off. What better way to reward unemployed public servants than with sex?

Our government employees served honorably. Now they are suffering. They deserve a little free pleasure and some extra cash to get them over this temporary hump. The sex industry can and should get involved to give aid, comfort, pleasure, and taxable income to our furloughed public servants.

The Chicken Ranch can offer free brothel services to laid off Nevada employees.

Chippendales or the Admiral could offer free admission for Chicago area government groupies (gropers?)

Five Star Companion should offer free escorts to accompany bureaucrats while they wander aimlessly around town.

The Pleasure Chest or Frenchy's could offer one free item for non-essential government employees.

Joe Francis should fire up the buses for a special edition of "Government Gone Wild".

Hugh Hefner should jump in with a special edition of Playboy, "Girls of Government".

Pornographers at Vivid Entertainment could audition and hire furloughed government employees to make skin flicks. Imagine the great films that could come out of it:

  • "Slow and Serious"
  • "Ben and Ghazi"
  • "Touching the Untouchables"
  • "Behind the Gray Desk"
  • "DOD does Dallas"
  • "Clerking Twerking- The Naked Edition"
  • "Paper Pushing Poontang"

Then there is this: While doing research for this article, I Googled "pornography companies". The following was at the top of the page. Maybe Booz Allen Hamilton, a major government contractor, should review their SEO and digital ad procedures.


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