Concealed carry in Chicago dumb and dumber

"con·ceal  (kn-sltr.v.con·cealedcon·ceal·ingcon·ceals To keep from being seen, found, observed, or discovered; hide." (

It is a hard to tell who is dumber. Chicago aldermen who are proposing banning concealed weapons in restaurants and establishments that serve liquor (of course excluding themselves) or the silly geese all over social media and the rest of the Internet bragging about finally being able to carry concealed weapons. Dumb and dumber.


Photo: Peter V. Bella

Anyone with real experience could walk around with two or three guns on them and never attract a scintilla of suspicion. They could drink and dine to their heart's content in anyplace banning weapons without even raising an eyebrow of the management. They could even walk into City Hall or a police station and not get caught.

A concealed weapon is just that. Concealed. Invisible to the naked eye. Covered up under your clothes with no bulges, or unseen in a bag or purse. Concealed means no one is supposed to know, suspect, or even dream you are carrying a weapon.

It also means you are not constantly patting it, adjusting your waist band, moving your hand under your smelly pits, or any other dead give away clues you are armed.

Concealed means lips sealed to. If you want to carry a concealed weapon, you do not belly up to the bar with, "Hey baby,wanna see my pistola?" At the very least, after the lady cold cocks you, the bouncer will toss you out on your head for being a creep.

No one should know you own a weapon let alone carry one.

Then there are the bad guys you are so afraid of. Big hint, a gun does not give you courage. Training to shoot at paper targets will not keep you alive. If I or any bad guy think you are armed, you will be disarmed before you know it. Your pistola will be shoved up your anal orifice blowing your brains out.

Yeah, yeah, I know all you pseudo tough guys and Dirty Harry wannabes think different. Keep thinking. It will always be your biggest and probably last mistake. While you are thinking search for a good cranial proctologist.

I carried a gun off duty for almost thirty years while on the Chicago Police Department. I was never stopped by the police or anyone else, except once. No one knew I was a cop or carried a gun. I never advertised. I also did not do all the other dumb things people who carry guns do. I looked and acted just like any other schmo on the street.

Shortly before I retired I frequented a rather upscale bar on the Near North Side. One night the manager approached and asked about the bulge under my shirt. I lifted the shirt showing him the flip style cell phone on my belt next to my star. He was kind enough to by me a drink for the inconvenience. He would never have found the gun I was carrying unless he searched.

Passing laws banning concealed weapons in certain venues may give the perception that our lovable iconic politicians care about people. They are full of symbolism and something else. How are venues going to know if people are carrying concealed weapons, aside from the morons who shout out tell tale signs. Will every patron be searched, wanded with a metal detector, made to pass through an X-ray machine, or strip searched at the door?

There are plenty of dumb firearm owners who can't wait to strap on old Mr. Colt or Messrs. Smith and Wesson and let the whole world know they are carrying a "concealed weapon". These are the same stupid people who vote.

Dumb and dumber. Politicians and bragging gun owners.  Soon, the dumb gun owners who are victimized will whine and complain. They will never believe, realize, or admit they became victims of their own stupidity. They advertised. Why not just wear a sign stating "I am armed, stupid, and not really dangerous"?

If you are dumb enough to brag or in other ways let the whole world know you are carrying a concealed weapon, you are too stupid to be allowed to carry let alone own a weapon. You are also too stupid to be allowed out of the house.

If you want to legally exercise your right to carry a concealed weapon keep it concealed, hidden, out of sight. Keep those soup coolers sealed. Do not announce to the whole world you are carrying a concealed weapon.

Maybe it is just too much to ask for politicians and citizens to be intelligent.



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