I am not Boston. What happened in Boston is in the past. It is history. I do not want to "remember Boston",post pictures of candles, or pray for Boston either. I could care less about Boston. I have no mercy and no pity. I do not care about the tender sensitivities of the denizens of Beantown or those who weep for them.
We are talking the Stanley Cup here and all that creepy empathy and weepy sympathy goes out the window and into the trash.
Oh, and for all you Bruin fans who want to walk our streets wearing your team shirts, jerseys, and hats, I have a question. Do you have a death wish? Beantowners, "Abandon hope all ye who enter here". If you come to Chicago prepare for the worst. Hell hath no fury like "cold steel on ice". Bruins are foragers. Hawks are predators.
Chicago clipped the Wings and dethroned the Kings. Now we are going to skin the Bruins. We will make Bruin skin rugs for naked people to pose and do the nasty on.
We love our town and welcome you to our fair city. We love all tourists who want to leave their money with us. Just do not expect the red carpet treatment. You can wander our streets, drink our booze, and dine on our cuisine. You can become victims of our street violence so you have something to brag about to the bark chewers back home. You can even buy some trinkets and souvenirs for your country bumpkin relatives. Just don't think you will leave Chicago unscathed, or in the case of your cuddly Bruins, unskinned.
Chicago knows and appreciates that Boston is a sports town with a deep abiding love for its teams. Unfortunately for you, Chicago worships its teams. We idolize them with cult like Evangelical and Pentecostal fervor. They are second only to God. Even the Chicago Cubs are worshipped. We do not tolerate or accept disciples of false gods and idols coming into our church.
Now do not think this is hatred. Chicagoans do not hate. We are proud of our sports teams. We view sports as combat not entertainment. War is hell. Why should we be merciful? If you Beantowners want love and affection stay home with your Bruins and rube relatives.
Oh, one other thing. Having had prior experience with backwoods Boston fans in the past, I would like to remind you that Chicago is a modern world class city. We do have indoor plumbing. Please do not act like you are at home and use our streets, trees, lamp posts, front lawns, alleys, and utility poles as toilets. We realize Bruins s@#t in the woods, but Chicago is not a forest.
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