It is raining in Chicago. Run for your lives!

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Scott Stantis/Chicago Tribune

"April showers bring may flowers." So the adage goes. Rain and snow are the two terrible plagues that drive Chicago newscasters to proclaim the apocalypse. Snowmageddon and rainmageddon. Hey folks, it is weather. It is Chicago weather. Get used to it.

People are scurrying around with their umbrellas like herds of Mary Poppins. Some bravely attempt to jump wide puddles hoping against hope they do not fall on their keesters. They are not afraid of getting hurt or wet. They fear morbid humiliation.

There  are those complaining about school closings. Schools are not for children. They are for adults. When adults do not like the weather they close the schools. What else is new? Did you really think they care about the safety of your children? Get one thing straight, public employees do not get cold or wet. They are like the Wicked Witch of the West. One drop of rain falls on them and they melt. Perish the thought we would have to witness the horrid public grief of flying monkeys if teachers and principals melted. Elected officials would blather, babble, and rend their garments. The flying monkeys would go on a nationwide celebrity victim's tour and be feted. The nation would be forced to mourn and grieve until the next tragedy.

Listen Chicago, unless you see some guy building an ark and his family pairing up animals two by two, there is nothing to worry about. Just remember the most important thing, "Rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey."



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