Chicago parents versus New York Luddites

Ms. Shapiro, who is a doula, a birth and child-rearing coach, says it is practically now a job qualification to at least be able to offer diaper-free training as an option to clients. Caribou Baby, an “eco-friendly maternity, baby and lifestyle store” on the border of artsy Greenpoint and Williamsburg, has been drawing capacity crowds to its diaper-free “Meetups,” where parents exchange tips like how to get a baby to urinate on the street between parked cars. (New York Times)

The other day I wrote about that woman, a transplanted New Yorker who slammed Chicago while pretending to review books about our town in the New York Times, also known as the "Old Gray Hag". All the news that fits into white space.

I shamelessly referred to New York as a town of uncivilized savages hiding behind pretentiousness. I was roundly criticized for my opinion. Some of the critics were Chicagoans. Go figure.

Along comes Chicago Tribune Columnist John Kass on my Facebook page. He pointed out this article from the "Old Gray Hag". It proves my point that hip New Yorkers are nothing more than pretentious uncivilized Luddite savages. The article relates an uncivilized Luddite trend in the hipper upper middle class areas of New York City called "going diaperless", also known as "elimination communication". How cute, it rhymes.

Basically it is potty training a baby the same way you train a puppy. One so-called mother leaves bowls throughout the home, as one scatters newspapers for a puppy. Little Cheeta can then supposedly use the bowls to relieve him or her self. How soon before the next trend is to just let little Cheeta out, like Fido? Better, set up a baby litter box.

According to the article, "Parents are drawn to the method as a way of preserving the environment from the ravages of disposable diapers". Oh, well, some rubes will believe anything.

Some parents even exchange tips, like "how to get a baby to urinate on the street between parked cars". Now that is a really safe sound method. Why not just send little Cheeta out to play in traffic?

Someone should tell these Luddite parents that pubic urination is illegal. That would probably raise a hue and cry. The luddites would get their clubs, pitch forks, rocks, and hoes and storm city hall. Public urination and bowel movements by children will be the next big rights issue like breast feeding in public, which is perfectly acceptable.

Some New York mothers aver "they like feeling more in touch with their babies’ most intimate functions". Look, bowels and urine, whether in diapers or not, don't create feelings of intimacy with bodily functions. Vomit is another one of those infant bodily functions which does not create intimacy.

These New Yorkers are some sick savages. They are uncivilized Luddites hiding behind the pretense of hipness. Soon they will be proclaiming the healthier living conditions of cave dwelling. How long before they advocate adults stop using toilets due to the ravages of waste water? Just go right on the street between parked cars, in the park, or where ever the urge strikes.

Some Luddites allow their little Cheetas to defecate in the park. It is hoped, like with dogs, they bring plastic bags to pick up the mess. Oh, wait, plastic bags, like diapers ravage the environment.

Soon the new hip trend will be walking their little Cheetas on a leash just like dogs. A whole new line of child walking products can be created; fancy rhinestone child collars and various types and lengths of designer leashes. Infants and toddlers can vie for space at fire hydrants, lamp poles, and trees with dogs. Jobs for child walkers could be created. There is a real shovel ready project.

Maybe the next trend for pretentious hip savage uncivilized New Yorkers will be to teach little Cheeta how to sniff butts. How cute will that be?

I'll take civilized Chicago any day over uncivilized and savage New York. Chicago parents are civilized compared to New York's Luddites We know how to raise children properly, safely, and hygienically. Chicagoans know the difference between children and pets. Chicagoans do not raise their children to urinate or defecate on the street or in parks.

By the way, for the uneducated, the word "doula" is derived from the ancient Greek word for female servant or slave. Why would any modern woman want to be referred to as a servant or slave? Must be a savage uncivilized New York thing.





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