As performers announce they're performing at Toddler-in-Chief Donald Trump's Inauguration on Friday (and, for the most part, subsequently pull out), the following question rears its ugly head: What songs can you possibly sing that will epitomize who Donald Trump really is? There are billions of songs that have been written in a plethora of genres, from the mundane to the divine, and the mind reels trying to predict what will be performed.
As Friday looms ominously, I decided to take a stab at the Top 5 songs that should be sung at Trump's Inauguration!
I've chosen only songs in English, as another language would make Trump too dang uncomfortable, multiculturalism not being his strong point. I've also tried to choose 5 songs that cover every possible facet of Trump and his worldview.
So, without further ado, it's time for Ringling Trump and Barnum and Pence Circus to commence!
1. "Money, Money, Money" by ABBA
Trump loves one thing more than anything (except himself, of course): Cold, hard cash. ABBA's song delineating the woes of not having enough money would give Trump a major stiffy, knowing he will never utter these words that millions in this country do every single day. After all, "it's a rich man's world!"
2. "The Ride of the Valkyries" from Richard Wagner's opera Die Walküre
Well known as the soundtrack in the pivotal "ride" scene from 1979's Apocalypse Now, this fearsome instrumental is the perfect harbinger of Trump's military plans for America. The eight Valkyrie sisters, daughters of Norse God Wotan, greet each other and shout their battle cries, while the orchestra sweeps behind them. I can almost see Trump's Tweet about witnessing the Valkyrie Sisters fly across the sky on inauguration day:
3. "The Best Things in Life are Free" by The Ink Spots
Donald Trump, though not a heavy practitioner of the fine art of irony, would choose this song because it's a way to shun his money-grubbing ways and connect with the average joe that couldn't possibly attend this high-class event. Plus, a free service has given Trump his greatest platform for ranting and raving: Twitter!
4. "Don't Rain on My Parade" from Funny Girl, sung by Barbra Streisand
If only to stick a very large pin in Barbra Streisand's eye, Trump would choose this song because, despite nearly everyone in the country screeching and hollering at him, he always seems to ignore the din and barrel forward. He certainly "beats" his own "drum", despite the fact that it sounds surprisingly like those mechanical cymbal-playing monkies.
5. "Deutschlandlied" or " Deutschland Über Alles", the National Anthem of Nazi Germany (after a theme by Haydn)
I think the explanation for this one speaks for itself, but, to quote Paul Lynde, "don't take my word for it!"
All joking aside, I'd like to put forth my own song to be sung at Trump's Inauguration:
Steven's: "Take care of this House" from Leonard Bernstein's 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
This song, I hope, would remind Trump that the office he's holding is a sacred institution, and the house he will be living in has housed some of the greatest intellects and personalities our country has ever produced. Please take care of it, nurture it, and, above all, respect the history of our great land.
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In this episode, Jack (The Vegan) and Steven (The Objectivist) welcome the new year by discussing questions asked by three fans of the show involving Ayn Rand's alleged homophobia, her theory of art, Donald Trump's Golden Showers, and Jack finally answers the ultimate question: Does The Vegan hate Ayn Rand?
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