To quote the late, great Joan Rivers, "can we tawk" about the horror film that was Mariah Carey's performance last night on New Year's Rockin' Eve?
Carey's performance heralding 2017 was a textbook personification of Murphy's Law - "What can go wrong, will go wrong." Carey took the stage to perform her rendition of the New Year's trademark tune "Auld Lang Syne", as well as a few favorites like her 1991 hit "Emotions."
In the course of her set, Carey managed to become hopelessly lost the pre-recorded track she was singing with. Double-tracking, or "lip-synching", is a way to cut out the frills of live musicians and allow for a more streamlined, cost-effective presentation. Yet, as was proven last night, not even Mariah Carey can sing along with Mariah Carey, as the live Mariah could not follow the ghost Mariah's voice floating through the open air. She sputtered and spoke through the performance, half-heartedly trying to keep with the choreography, but failing to keep the showman's oath: "The show must go on!"
Carey, according to the NY Daily News, blamed the shoddy performance on "technical issues." "Even after changing mic packs over a dead battery," according to NYDN, "she continued saying she couldn’t hear." TMZ also has learned that "her on-stage [tele]prompter with lyrics wasn’t working either." Dick Clark productions, who oversee the production of Rockin', pulled a Pontius Pilate and washed their hands of all responsibility, saying that "an initial investigation has indicated that dcp had no involvement in the challenges associated with Ms. Carey’s New Year’s Eve performance."
Carey herself summed up the matter succinctly on Twitter: "Shit Happens."
After two failed attempts at an ending for this blog, including text falling into the internet netherworld and too much schmaltz, I decided to follow the advice of famed character actress Bea Arthur: "Fuck it."
You want to do 2017 and you want to do it well? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get shit done. You don't like your job? Find a new one! Your spouse treats you like yesterday's newspaper? Chuck 'em in the dustbin! You're crying because you burnt a meatloaf? Well, you should be ashamed for that one, because Meatloaf is midwestern mother's milk.
We often blame problems on a timeframe. I, along with billions and billions of other disillusioned human beings, resounded in a chorus at midnight, shrieking "2017 is OVER!" But, though this year was a particular trial, does the year have to do with anything when it comes to true change?
There won't be change unless we change ourselves, whether that be a new haircut, a new mistress, or a new gravy bowl at Thanksgiving. Life will never magically become ideal, nor should we expect it to. Can you imagine how boring life would be if everything went our way? Half the fun of life is waiting to see what shit is waiting around the bend. Dear God, I'm starting to sound like the theme song to Who's The Boss...speaking of which...let's have a sing-along, shall we?
Now, I can't promise that we'll all be as fabulous as Judith Light's shoulder pads, but it's nice to dream, isn't it? Whether you want to perfect an 80's aesthetic or run for mayor, you have to remember that life is an unexpected and thrilling romp through the garden of earthly delights and we should enjoy every second!
This year, my resolution is to start and finish writing a book project that I have wanted to initiate for years and years. It'll be a long and arduous task, but there's nothing I'm looking forward to more than delving knee-deep into research and history to learn and, when completed, educate.
So, my readers and non-readers alike, I ask you all to not whine about your inability to change, but to channel that frustration into something tangible and something you can be proud of. Read a book, paint a landscape, learn to play the guitar, eat a whole jar of gefilte fish - the choice is yours and yours alone!
So, think of me as your Auntie Mame and heed my call to live, live, LIVE!
If you like what I do and wish to support my endeavors, I implore you to spend a few dollars each month to support me on Patreon.com! Follow this link to view my page and thank you for your generosity!
Also, I would like to invite you to visit my new website, StevenKrage.com! I'm very proud of my new creation and would love to hear your feedback about it.
And the newest episode of my podcast, The Objectivist and The Vegan, has been uploaded to SoundCloud!
In this episode, Jack (The Vegan) and Steven (The Objectivist) discuss the plethora of celebrity deaths this year and debate a very prurient and salacious topic: Sugar Daddies and Financial Domination! Also: Jack hates the Star Wars Prequels, Steven uses an outdated term for little people, and Jack offers up his services!
Click the orange button in the widget below and listen to our ramblings!