This week from the files of I Forgot This Person Existed: everybody's least-favorite redhead Lindsay Lohan returns for a new entry into the sideshow!
The 30-year-old (can I say former?) actress was boating on Sunday morning and, according to People Magazine, lost half of her finger. Lohan posted a picture of her bandaged finger to Snapchat, commenting that "I almost lost my finger from the anchor...Well, I lost half my finger, thank goodness we found the piece of my finger... i just had surgery to fix it ... it hurts so bad." People surmises that she was in Turkey during the incident, but that isn't confirmed.
Lohan has always been one of those incredible cases of a child actress who seemed to be on a path to a comfortable, glamorous life. Yet, her choo-choo slid off of the tracks because of a mother who would make Mama Rose blush...
...and a father with the personality of a Peep that's been melted in the microwave.
Lohan slid into years of excess, drinking and drugging her way into the proverbial garret. Once the epitome of childhood in The Parent Trap and the definition of teen angst in Mean Girls and Freaky Friday, the starlet slipped down the staircase of life and has never since recovered. Her "acting" credits as of late are negligible, including an absolutely abysmal turn as Elizabeth Taylor in a poorly-received Lifetime movie:
Years of relationship problems, lifestyle excesses, and extremely poor lifestyle choices have led her slowly into a life of odd obscurity. The crowning jewel was the fact that, when told Lohan wanted to play her in a movie, Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac fame exclaimed that "she's never going to." In a 2011 interview with CNN, Nicks had some added choice words for the druggie-of-the-month: "That's never going to happen unless she cleans up her life and becomes the great actress I feel she can be. Everybody thinks I hate her, and it's not that at all...She needs to stop doing drugs and get a grip. Then maybe we’ll talk...I just want her to get it together...I was completely messed up for a long time and I got it together. She's a very talented girl ... if she could get it together, she could have a really big career and she could do great things.”
Could Lohan's Big Lebowski-esque dismemberment tribute be a desperate cry for attention to a public that has left her on the roadside? As they say, any publicity is good publicity. (Dear Lord in Heaven Above, I'm starting to sound like Mr. Trump...)
Psychologists show that petulant children will often break bones or bludgeon their heads to get attention when they're feeling ignored. Could it be that Lohan, the epitome of a child star gone wrong, not have moved on from that time in her life? Could she possibly still hold the childhood notion that the public will be putty in her hands for eternity?
Miss Lohan needs to pick up the pieces of her life, such as it is, and hang in the towel. After failed movies, an abysmal record career, and tortured relationships that were splashed across more issues of The National Enquirer than when Zsa Zsa slapped that cop, it has come time for Lohan to fade into well-deserved obscurity.
Celebrity culture, or an unhealthy obsession with celebrities, rather, is a pox that has led to the STD-like spread of The Kardashians and their ilk. Though celebrities like Judy Garland, Tallulah Bankhead, and Bette Davis made incredibly bad decisions, they were true artists, offering their soul to a populace that adored them.
I think Stephen King sums up the irrational fawning over celebrities in the most eloquent terms: "I think there ought to be some serious discussion by smart people, really smart people, about whether or not proliferation of things like The Smoking Gun and TMZ and YouTube and the whole celebrity culture is healthy."
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