There comes a time in life when we are faced with certain challenges. One such challenge occurred today and totally knocked me off of my feet, not because I was afraid, but because I was not prepared. While washing dishes my inquisitive nine year old came to me and asked if I'd noticed a certain preacher from my church who is expecting. Feeling this was going to go another direction, I became very cautious. So, here is how we began rolling downhill:
dd: So, do you think she knows about the baby? (again talking about said minister)
me: What do you mean, like the sex or the gender? (dang dang)
dd: Did she have that?
me: What? Did she have what?
dd: You know, did she do it? (insert my puzzled face because I am truly about to pass out) My friend D said that babies are made because people have sex. ( I dropped my dish back in the sink)
me: Huh? What? When did this happen?
dd: We talked about it at school. It started because my friend C asked if we knew how babies were made, and D said yes-two people have sex.
me: (Now holding on to the sink-Ready to call some parents!) Umm, well, Why didnt't you tell me about this conversation? What happened? Did you tell the teacher?
dd: (Calm-but rushing the conversation) Yes mom, Ms. S said we were right (I'm about to call the Principal at 8:30pm) and that we shouldn't talk about it anymore, but Mom, umm so is that how I got here? Did you do it with DADDY?
Okay, I have always been honest with my daughter about my relationship with her father, particularly since we are not married and have never lived together. She has questioned our decisions and marriage especially after seeing her friends with two parents, and learning that bible teaches about abstinence or "marriage before kids". However, I never thought that I needed to go into detail about creation, nor did I think 6/15/14 at 8:45pm was the appropriate time to explain s-e-x to a 9 year old. So...I hear you asking... what did I do?
First-I prayed! I did not want to go berserk on this child- especially since she was supposed to have been in bed 15 minutes ago, and I really couldn't remember how we got to this point!
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
Second-I began quoting scripture!
Every good and perfect gift is from God. It comes down from the Father. He created the heavenly lights. He does not change like shadows that move. James 1:17 (NIRV)
For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Romans 3:23 KJV
Now, I usually don't agree with throwing the bible at people or reciting scriptures back to back because people will tune you out! However, this time I believe it calmed me and helped me explain.
Then, I was able to tell her that people often make decisions in life that we are not proud of and we all have to learn as we grow. I shared that She was not a mistake, but our actions were the mistake that resulted in our gift! I told her to remember me and daddy when she grows up and think about all of the concerns and feelings she has about being a child with two households before she considers starting a family ( I definitely was not going to use the terminology she used above). I ended by reminding her that we know our God is a forgiving God and when we make mistakes, He is faithful and just to forgive us, but we don't want to continue to make mistakes when we know better.
Although I almost fell out, I am glad we were able to cross this hurdle! Do I think every parent should discuss this with their 9 year old?
OH NO, but if ever you are challenged with a question or concern that may knock you off your feet, go to God (pray/call/scream/cry) and He will guide you through!
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