Did God give up on me?

"God is always listening, but He will not always respond unless you ask" - Geneva Giglio

I have been MIA with my blog updates and to be honest there is no excuse. It wasn’t as if I haven’t had one hour to spare, to collect my thoughts, and share them with the world. I have had the time, just not the passion. And although that hurts me to even type, it is the truth. I thought I had lost my inner voice. The only voice my fingers will listen to. When I sat in front of my laptop, ready for my therapy, my fingers remained still. My hands rested on my keyboard unmoved, unmotivated, and uninspired by the silence of my intuition and deafened by my new numbness. Months have passed and I have been waiting to be inspired, I was waiting for that voice to return and for words to burst through my fingertips. While I have been waiting it made me wonder if every gift, talent, or opportunity has an expiration date. Was my passiveness actually creating more distance between my heart, mind, and soul? I have been waiting with lifeless fingers and no driving thoughts thinking that maybe there is an expiration date.

Maybe God gives up on you. Maybe He gave up on me.

Trust me, that statement does not sound right to me either. It is actually completely the opposite of how I feel. But I would be lying if I said I have not been exploring this idea. I have always known that it was His voice that would whisper to me, and it was his love and passion that would fuel my soul. So when my inner silence took over, I thought to myself that maybe He had given up on me. He blessed me, showed me how to listen and respond to the Holy Spirit that spoke through me, and now it was gone.

God gives so he can also take away right? Wrong.

And although throughout these months I may have been inclined to agree with that statement, I know where my heart is and it is with Him. God has created gifts within all of us, and sometimes it takes a lifetime to discover them. But when you do, your purpose on this Earth is so much more meaningful. God wants to further His kingdom, which means spreading positivity and light through darkened days. He would not want to destroy something that is good but, we do.

I believe this was a lesson learned for me and a reminder that I have to always give credit where credit is due. God never left me, the voice was always whispering to me, but I just chose to ignore it. When we choose to ignore His will and not accept His grace he does not leave your side He just cannot hold your hand until you unclench your fist.

I’m back, with one hand on the keyboard and the other interlocked with His.

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  • Maybe this sonnet by Sir Philip Sidney might help:

    Loving in truth, and fain in verse my love to show,
    That she, dear she, might take some pleasure of my pain,
    Pleasure might cause her read, reading might make her know,
    Knowledge might pity win, and pity grace obtain,
    I sought fit words to paint the blackest face of woe,
    Studying inventions fine, her wits to entertain,
    Oft turning others' leaves, to see if thence would flow
    Some fresh and fruitful showers upon my sunburnt brain,
    But words came halting forth, wanting Invention's stay;
    Invention, Nature's child, fled step-dame Study's blows;
    And others'feet still seemed but strangers in my way.
    Thus great with child to speak, and helpless in my throes,
    Biting my truant pen, beating myself for spite:
    "Fool!" said by Muse to me, "look in thy heart and write."

  • In reply to Aquinas wired:

    Aquinas I love the sonnet I can relate! I have never read it before so thanks for sharing. "Sunburnt brain" - love that!

    Best, Gen

  • I feel this way now, questioning my faith. I feel like I have been abandoned. Holding out hope we shall see I guess. Good post though

  • In reply to Patrick O’Hara:

    Hey Patrick thanks for reading my blog! I love when I see new faces interested in what I have to rattle off :) I'm sorry to hear your feeling that way, I know exactly what your going through. All I can say is continue to do the things in your life that made you feel most connected with your faith. Always go back to those activities, rituals, etc. because you'll feel His presence again! May sound a bit cheesy but waking up and writing or just saying to yourself what your grateful for may be a good start to your days!

    Best! Gen

  • Even Jesus took pause in his life to celebrate with friends, attend weddings, and, we can imagine, goof off.

    You have anxiety about the future, and to this I can only say to remember the lilies of the field, right?

    Maybe this is your time to use your gifts or it is a time not to. Either way, the One who has known you since before you were born, never leaves you? Faith is a gift. It was given to you. I think He keeps track of His favorites.

    Peace to you in all ways.

  • In reply to Richard Davis:

    Thanks for the comment Richard. Is is amazing how the beauty and mystery of nature can put things into perspective. I'll be thinking of lilies today :) Your right He has never and will never leave me or any of us for that matter, because I think we are all His favorites!
    Best, Gen

  • Hey gen and everyone i am going threw such a slump i dont know where to start,i help everyone thinking god will return the favor,i dont even know if even sees what i am doin,maybe i expect to much in return,i seek love i cant find it,i am still fighting off demons in my dreams i cant get over the past it seems i put one foot forward i take 2 back i cant get ahead i feel like such a loser i realy do. when will it be my turn to shine. I am the kinda guy that will fix your car for nothing i will volunteer my time i will starve b4 you do,i will do anything for anyone doesnt god see that i am losing faith.

  • Hey Jay i read your message earlier today and it moved me. I know first hand how difficult it is to reach out to someone and express how you are feeling when you struggling inside. Thank you for your honesty and am appreciative of you and your allowing me to get a glimpse into your soul. I wanted to start by saying that yes, God does see exactly what you are doing. He hand crafted your heart so he knows how much love, empathy, and compassion you have to give. It sounds like you have special gifts that many are not as fortunate to have. What I can offer you is to keep doing what you are doing, with no expectations, no fears, and no regrets. Do for others because it makes you happy, but also do for yourself what makes you happy. What is that? What makes you light up inside? It sounds like God is shining through you in ways you are even unaware of.
    I know from experience when I think I am on the right path, making strides forward and then all of a sudden I feel as if I am back to square one. Well, even if we both are moving one step forward and two steps back, we are slowly moving in the right direction. I know that God's plans for both of us are grand, better than we can imagine and possibly completely different from anything we could have expected. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (proverbs 3:5).
    Your message strengths my faith, and makes me realize that we all here to help each other and to become better individuals all on the same quest for God's heart. Our faith will always be tested, but its in those times when we discover how strong our love for God is. God uses those who are broken, who have had many experiences in life, because we are the ones that hold onto our faith and become a testament of how good He really is.
    Stay in touch!

    Best,
    Gen

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