So you've already read the "5 Steps To Becoming an Improvisor". You've signed up for classes, started an independent team, and see a show almost every week, but you're ready for more. Well you're in luck. Here are 5 advanced steps that you can take to become a real improvisor.
1. Learn to turn anything into a bit. Did you get an important e-mail from your team asking about availability for practices? Perfect! This is the time to start a bit that will bury all the important information, make everyone get off track, and cause the person who originally sent the e-mail to want to push a bullet through their brain. If things do find a way to get back on track and you feel like the e-mail thread is about to end don't worry you can always keep it going with a, "Hey, I know we spent days figuring out that only Monday works for everyone, but can I just throw out Wednesday as a possibility?"
2. Develop a drinking problem. This isn't a difficult step thanks to the power of BYOB. Soon you'll find yourself saying, "Who cares if it's Tuesday night, I have a show at The Playground. I'll just pick up a 6 pack." Then it's Thursday and you have another show so you have a few more drinks. Then it's the weekend and it's time to have fun, so more drinks. Before you know it you're drinking every night and your dreams are haunted by the ghost of Del Close. "Yes aaaaaaaaaaaand... yes aaaaaaaaaaand..."
3. Learn to get upset when people ask you to quiet down. How dare they! If they didn't want people talking during an iO show then why did they put a bar in there? Where else am I supposed to go? This place is filled with all my friends, some of which are performing right now actually. Fine, I'll just go to the green room. That's a mystical place where no matter how loud I am no one can hear me anyway.
4. Learn the true power of Facebook. A social media site that you use to connect to friends? Um, maybe back when you were a "normal" person. You now know Facebook for what it really is, a magical marketing machine that you can use to spread the word of any and all shows that you perform in. Don't know how to make a poster? Don't worry, you can simply google an image of something that vaguely represents the title of your show and use that. Have a static camera shot of your 25 minute improv show complete with almost inaudible performers and deafening audience noise? Awesome! Who would want to watch Game of Thrones when that's kind of entertainment is available?
5. Start a blog. Don't have any ideas for weekly content or solid a writing talent? Don't let that stop you. Sit down, pick a standard blogger template, and slap away at the keyboard for a few minutes. BOOM. DONE. You're a blogger. You can just post a few GIFs and pass it off as content. Better yet, make a series of snarky lists filled with inside jokes that only other improvisors will get. Oooooooh, point out how annoying bits are and then make a whole article filled with bits. Yeah, that will get you on the front page of Chicago Now.
There you have it. 5 advanced steps to becoming a real improvisor. Now stop sitting in front of your computer like a cynical jerk and get out there and make people laugh!
Filed under: Advice