Why Improvisers Hate Cubs Fans

CubsFans
Before I get started let me say that Chicago improvisers don't hate all Cubs fans, just a select few that decide their douchebagery is more important than our art.

A lot of improvisers hate Cubs fans because they destroy what we work so hard to build. Getting excited to perform in front of an audience only to find out that there is a small group of drunk idiots ruining things for everyone is heartbreaking. Every sports team in the country has drunk idiots in or around the stadium, but Wrigleyville produces a special kind of drunk idiot. It's magical how some people can be so inebriated, but still have the  motor skills to perform at an extreme level of chode. This scientific abnormality doesn't just apply to males, but also females. Somehow girls can puke, rally, get in a fight with their boyfriend on Clark street, and still have enough energy to stumble into an improv show demanding to be the center of attention.

General dickishness probably has something to do with the location of the stadium. Most stadiums are surrounded by parking lots, but Wrigley Field has an abundance of douche bars within walking distance. That amount of beer and convenience creates an atmosphere that is usually only found at a frat house or Nickelback concert. When a list of the 25 Douchiest Bars in the city was posted online it was no surprise that Wrigleyville had 8 of them. That's not even counting the newest douche bar appropriately titled Deuce's. If they redo that list next year Deuce's has a good chance of challenging John Barleycorn for that number 1 spot. BUT MOVING ON...

Douches
Deuce's

A lot of dark establishments that improvisers perform in attract drunk idiots. It's these kinds of places that we try new things and hone our craft in front of an audience. A great place for this is Underground Lounge in Wrigleyville. Sure the place is dark, dirty, and the bathroom smells of death, but it's a great environment to try stuff out. But because of its close proximity to Wrigley Field it's also a great environment for drunk douche-rockets who think they're funnier than you. If you think you're a funny person and deserve to be on stage then put in the time, money, and effort that we do. Drinking all day and watching baseball doesn't qualify you as an improviser.

Some of you might say, "Hey if you don't want to run into those kinds of people don't perform in Wrigleyville." Well, it's that type of thinking that allows those self-deluded asshats to dominate the area. We perform in theaters and select bars that advertise that a show is going on. There is no reason why we should have to leave. We also provide a service that people with Affliction shirts that quote Entourage just can't.

Now I know what else you're saying. "That's just part of performing. Even the best have to deal with hecklers." Yes, I totally agree and it's something that all improvisers just have to deal with. I'm writing this because I have a blog and can let some Cubs fans know how some improvisers feel about them based on the actions of a select few.

The funny thing is a lot of improvisers are Cubs fans (myself included) and we know that it's just a select group of pratts that give Cubs fans a bad name. So if you're a Cubs fan who wants to heckle me in the comments section, go right ahead, I can handle it. I would rather you do it here then come to any of my shows.

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    It is part of performing, but that whole area of town is full of d-bags. It is like a special type of performer hell (and walking down the street without getting groped/having racial slurs hurled at you/puked on hell, and trying to drive or ride your bike down the street without a drunken idiot stumbling in front of you hell) I live a little south of there and absolutely hate game days, nor will I go to any of those bars in that area.

    One new bar that is nice is Blokes & Birds just south of Roscoe. It is a gastro pub I suppose, but cheaper than most. I am not sure it will survive in that neighborhood though since it's usually empty, the d-bags look inside or look at the menu and keep on walking. So ... check it out and tell all your hipster friends so I can keep going :)

    For that neighborhood, if they changed their name to Dates & Rapes they would probably do better.

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    Bacon

    Bacon is an iO Training Center graduate, Second City Conservatory graduate, and Annoyance Theater student who lives on the north side of Chicago. He has performed for Second City TC HouseCo, an iO Harold Team, and various independent teams. For his performance schedule please see www.Robert-Bacon.com. He has a bachelors degree in Speech Communications, has a fantastic job as a video editor, and wrote this whole thing in third person.

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