Hot weather brings out weirdos

I can't believe what I saw today after taking an innocent stroll through a department store.  The weather makes people do strange things in the stifling heat.  Nobody feels like a fresh breeze or a cool cucumber in this doubt, but I do believe that there are certain things that are a little inappropriate, despite the hot weather. 
I decided to take a walk in the store and shop for bargains.  Off in the distance, I hear this woman moaning and groaning in a way that both scared and intrigued me.  Sitting down on the floor by the Dishware section is a rather large woman and she's on the floor in the middle of the aisle rubbing lotion all over her arms.  She must have thought it was her own private bathroom.  I'm standing there peering at her life a voyeur because I'm shocked that no one has told her to leave.  She's going to town and now putting lotion on her legs.  The kicker is that there's a worker who's stocking shelves two aisles down, oblivious to the scene.  People are walking by ignoring this creepy R-rated peep show.  The more lotion she applied, the louder she became.  She kept shouting how good it felt because it was so hot outside, etc. 
I finally went to get a manager and he had to tell her to leave.  To think that unsuspecting people are going to by Cookware in that isle!  I can see the recipe now: 2 cups of lotion mixed with sweat, rub vigoursly for 3 minutes, followed by skin flakes and bake at 95% for 20 minutes.  That's one summer dish that I won't be eating.

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