That Thing I Say on Stage is a Turn-off

That Thing I Say on Stage is a Turn-off
“I haven’t touched anyone in a year” is a thing I said on stage last night. I didn’t mean this literally, but I haven’t made it to first base in 361 days–not that I’m keeping track. I’m not even on deck yet. I’m just keeping the bench warm for hotter, cooler girls with higher batting... Read more »

My Submission to ABC's The Bachelor-Chris Harrison Please Read

My Submission to ABC's The Bachelor-Chris Harrison Please Read
Wow. I’d like to thank all of the casting directors, past contestants, ABC executives, Barack Obama, and Chris Harrison for taking the time to read my application. I promise it’ll be worth your time. I decided to only answer the interesting questions, so here they are: Do you have siblings? How old are they? Yes,... Read more »

Comedy Will Never Make Me Happy, and Maybe That's Okay

Comedy Will Never Make Me Happy, and Maybe That's Okay
It kind of sucks when you realize that happiness can only come from within. No amount of success, money, or weight you lose will make you happy. Sure, maybe money troubles add extra anxiety to your life, and maybe if you fit into those jeans, you would feel better about yourself. But accomplishing those things... Read more »
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It's Not You, It's my OCD

It's Not You, It's my OCD
  Dear Past/Present/Future Crushes, You’re probably feeling pretty smug. You probably think your lean physique and charming smile is what got me hooked. Or how you volunteer at The Ronald McDonald House every week. Or how you’re funny, but not cocky enough to try stand-up. You’re not wrong, but you’re also not right. Sure, the... Read more »

I Spent My Birthday With 20 People I Hadn't Seen in 10 Years

I Spent My Birthday With 20 People I Hadn't Seen in 10 Years
I think a lot of you will agree with me when I say that middle school sucked. We were shitty people with shitty lives, who told even shittier stories about those lives. For me, middle school was especially awful. I had terrible anxiety that often manifested itself into me asking my friends, “Do you hate... Read more »

Part IV of Rock Bottom: My Year in a Cult

“Today is the first day of the rest of your life”- Charles Dederich. I’m sure you’ve heard this saying over the years. It means something different to everyone, but to me it means my future is not determined by what happened yesterday; my future is determined by what I do today and the rest of... Read more »
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Part III of Rock Bottom: My Year in a Cult

Part III of Rock Bottom: My Year in a Cult
(Continuation of Part I & Part II) This is my third attempt at writing this post. The words I have written just haven’t done my adolescence justice. The therapeutic boarding school I attended from 2010-2011 had such an impact on me, that I don’t know where to start. Thus begins my third (and hopefully final) attempt. Monarch School... Read more »

Part II of Rock Bottom: My Experience in the Troubled Teen Industry

Part II of Rock Bottom: My Experience in the Troubled Teen Industry
Continuation of Part I of Rock Bottom: My Experience in the Troubled Teen Industry   Part II By the end of sophomore year, my parents knew they couldn’t help me. They had exhausted every resource available to them, and didn’t know what to do with me. So they enlisted the help of an educational consultant. Educational... Read more »

Part I of Rock Bottom: My Experience in the Troubled Teen Industry

Part I of Rock Bottom: My Experience in the Troubled Teen Industry
I started writing this blog post a few weeks ago. I wanted to talk about my experience as a “troubled teen” and my time entangled in the troubled teen industry. And then, about two weeks ago, I found out that my therapeutic boarding school I attended from 2010-2011 had been shut down due to “financial”... Read more »
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I Ran Into the Stranger Who Asked Me Out, and Then Again A Month Later

A month or so ago I wrote a post about a guy asking me out on the bus a year prior. Then a month later, I wrote about doing stand-up on a show, looking into the audience, and seeing him in the front row. That was definitely unexpected, but what if I told you that I saw him... Read more »